LuchaDoll

These Three Things.

2011-11-20T02:02:00.000-06:00

"I tried my best. I did everything that I could. Even then, it wasn't enough for you. It was never enough. I was never enough. I don't regret any of it, not for a second. If I had the chance to do it all over again, with the same outcome, I would. Do you know why? Because no one has ever taught me more about myself than you. No one ever gave me a reason to stand up for myself. To love myself. To be strong. You did all of that. If you weren't who you are, if you hadn't said the things you'd said, or done the things you did, or if you weren't the way you are, I never would have realized what I could become. I gave you everything, and I got nothing, and I have to live with that forever, but so do you. Nothing we did can be fixed. Nothing we did can be taken back. Nothing we did can be made-up for. What's happened has happened, and we have to move on. We have to take from that and make it matter. We have to do our best. We have to do everything we can. We have to hope that it's enough...that we're enough."

"If you stare too long at something, things start to change, some even start to disappear. Complacency is what they call it. You get so caught up in what you think is there, and you don't even realize when it isn't anymore, or when it's become something completely different. This happens all too often. We accept what is, and we don't bother with what could be."

"Nobody can know anything about you if you don't let them. If someone's in your life, and you don't tell them anything, then what do they know? Nothing. They know nothing. They can assume whatever they'd like, but they can't back any of it up. However, if you tell someone one little thing, they can make it into anything they want, and tell whoever they want, and then, it's a never-ending cycle. If you don't want everyone to know something, then don't tell anyone."

[I'll add my closer here later. lol It's bedtime now!]

Seven Things

2011-09-29T23:58:00.002-05:00

1. If you believe that something is easier said than done, then you aren't trying your hardest to do it.

2. When something is wrong, and someone asks you if something's wrong, "Nothing" is no longer an acceptable answer.

3. At least once in your life, ice cream should be okay for breakfast.

4. You can't make someone love you. You can't even make someone like you.

5. Retail jobs are not as horrific as people make them out to be.

6. Do what you love, and love what you do, and if you don't, then maybe go try something new.

7. Psych is the greatest show to ever be on television. Don't even try to argue with me on this.

Stay Gold.

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Clarification.

2011-07-10T03:37:00.001-05:00

I constantly get asked about my personal business, and I constantly get reamed for being a “hypocrite.” You see, I’ve always made it a point to bitch at people who put their personal business on the internet, and a lot of you seem to think that’s that what I do, when it isn’t. I’m not sitting here, telling the world about my relationship issues. I’m not publicizing my lovers’ quarrels. I’m not looking for attention by putting that sort of stuff out there. If you’re happy, cool. Be happy. Tell everyone. That’s what’s up. If you’re having trouble in your relationship, work it out. Don’t tell me about it on twitter, because I really don’t give a fuck. It’s called a personal life because it’s just that: personal. It’s your personal, private business, and it should be kept as such. It’s not doing any good to tell twitter about it. I’m going to laugh at you. I’m going to think that you’re 14, and can’t figure out that things don’t fix themselves. I’m going to patronize you. It matters not that it’s YOUR twitter, where you can say what you want. You’re stupid if you think that putting your private business out there is a good idea. You really are.

Now, onto those of you who seem confused about it all. I’m not putting my personal, private business out there. Simply mentioning NotEric is not a bad thing. I’ve not said a single bad thing about him or this…whatever we have going on. I don’t like that. Clearly. My business is my business, and you will know what I tell you. It isn’t any of your concern what struggles I may or may not be facing in my life. This. This blog. This one right here. This is where I discuss what I want. This is where I let you understand me. This is where we sit on the front porch swing, and discuss life.

Stay Gold.

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Seven Things

2011-06-26T02:30:00.003-05:00

1. - You can give everything to someone, but you absolutely cannot expect a single thing in return.

2. - There are times when silence is more effective than any words you could find.

3. - Sometimes, their phone really does die.

4. - If you can't handle something, say so. There are plenty of people who are willing to help you.

5. - Sometimes, -not too often, but sometimes- it's okay to keep a secret or two.

6. - People will talk about you. That will never stop, no matter how little they know about you.

7. - You don't have to be somebody important to do something important.

Stay Gold.

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Closure.

2011-05-20T01:59:00.011-05:00

27 months later, I finally got the apology I've deserved. The explanation I've earned. The closure that I've awaited. I didn't think that a simple apology could fix everything, but it did. I feel okay, for the first time in a very long time. I feel like I can trust people again. I feel... free. I know that none of this is making sense to any of you, but that's okay. I don't need it to. It makes sense to me.

"Communication. It’s the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words, and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say, or how to ask for what we really need…

Some things, we just don’t want to hear. And some things we say because we can’t be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say. They’re what you do. Some things, you say because there is no other choice. Some things, you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then… some things simply speak for themselves."

-Meredith Grey

Stay Gold.

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A Hasty Hiatus

2011-05-08T00:20:00.001-05:00

I left the internet for a few days, not that anyone cared. I sure didn't. The reasons I shut myself off from the world, and the awful people that dwell in it, were selfish. Childish. Stupid. Hmm…that sounds like most of you. Anyway, I’ve decided to return to the world wide web, but not for anyone else. I need this. I need to be able to laugh at the moronic things you dumbasses say. I need to be able to laugh at all of the nonlinear lies you tell, thinking that no one notices. I need to be able to witness the rise and fall of your never-lasting relationships, as you bounce around from one friend to another, like you’re still 16. I need that. I NEED to know that you people are lacking so much in your lives, and in your souls. It makes me feel good.

Now, here’s a list of things that I do not care about:

-You.
-What you think/have to say about me.
-What you think/say about what I say or do.
-Who you think I’ve slept with.
-Mustard.
-Matching socks.
-What you think/say about my boyfriend and/or my relationship.
-How much of a whore you think I am.
-Ugly couches.
-What you think/say about…well, pretty much everything. Unless it was mentioned in the above paragraph, in which case, I only care for the lulz.
-Most sports.

Stay Gold.

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Tips And Tricks

2011-05-07T16:42:00.003-05:00

-WD40 will remove crayon markings from walls.
-Vegetable oil in Tupperware beforehand will stop tomato sauce from staining it.
-Make a cleaning schedule.
-When you buy clothes with sewn-on buttons, seal the threads with top coat before you wear the garment.

Stay Gold.

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Ten Things I've Learned This Week

2011-05-07T16:42:00.002-05:00

1) Sometimes, all you can do is walk away.
2) Saying goodbye is not something that I enjoy.
3) I rarely know what I’m doing.
4) My dog should not have coffee anymore. (That was my bad.)
5) Signatures on receipts are rarely as legible as signatures elsewhere.
6) Hatred is rarely justified.
7) I can count on less and less people with each passing day.
8) Learning how everything works is a life goal/bad habit of mine.
9) Texas is the butt hole of America.
10) We’re born because if we stayed in the womb any longer, our brains wouldn’t fit through the cervix.

Stay Gold.

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Just Do It

2011-05-06T16:34:00.002-05:00

After last fall, I quit school. I took the spring semester off. I didn’t know if I wanted to go back. I didn’t know if I wanted to be a student again. But, this week, I registered for summer and fall classes. There’s not point in wasting away the tens of thousands of dollars I have in scholarships, right? -_-

Stay Gold.

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To The People

2011-05-05T16:40:00.001-05:00

To the people that shit on other people for having different opinions than theirs: Why? Just…why? Seriously. What gives you the right to trash someone you disagree with? How the hell would your dumbass feel if someone treated you that way? Why do you not understand that other people are allowed to have different opinions? Land of the free, motherfuckers. Realize that.

Stay Gold.

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Five Things To Do

2011-05-04T16:34:00.001-05:00

Every Year

1) Donate.
2) Organize your home.
3) Do nothing for a weekend.
4) Get tested.
5) Buy new socks.

Stay Gold.

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My Accomplished List

2011-05-03T16:33:00.002-05:00

1) Did 43 loads of laundry.
2) Got to spend time with Jane.
3) Registered for summer and fall classes.
4) Cleaned my car lights.
5) Bleached my hair.
6) Organized my bathroom cabinet.
7) Asked too many people if they were a fan of delicious flavor.
8) Went through/got rid of a ton of my clothes.

Stay Gold.

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Tips And Tricks

2011-04-30T16:21:00.003-05:00

-Educate your ugly self about daytime make-up vs. evening make-up.
-2 Alka-Seltzer tablets in the toilet bowl will clean it just as well as Clorox.
-Soak sweat-stained clothes in warm vinegar and warm water.
-If you don’t love it, it’s clutter.

Stay Gold.

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Ten Things I've Learned This Week

2011-04-30T16:21:00.002-05:00

1) Some defeats become victories.
2) I think, therefore, I go crazy.
3) I speak too loudly in public.
4) I have no planning skills.
5) I am a fixer.
6) Laughter and love can get you through anything.
7) My stutter is sort of cute sometimes.
8) Tough times aren’t so tough.
9) Laundry is the only shore that I enjoy doing.
10) Breakout Kings is one of those shows that you have to watch twice.

Stay Gold.

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2011-04-29T16:20:00.005-05:00

Just Do It

2011-04-29T16:20:00.003-05:00

I dyed my hair black a few months ago, and promised myself that I would leave it that way. I’ve been dying my hair since I was eight years old. It’s beyond dead and damaged. Then…the other day, I bought bleach, and bleached my hair. The wreck on my head is insane. But my hair isn’t black anymore!

Stay Gold.

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To The People

2011-04-28T16:20:00.002-05:00

To the people who preach on Twitter: Shut up. I don’t care about Jesus. I don’t care about your bible. I don’t care how you think I should live my life. I don’t. So shut your mouth, and get off of my internet.

Stay Gold.

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Five Things To Do

2011-04-27T16:18:00.002-05:00

Every Week

1) Watch an old cartoon.
2) Write a letter to someone.
3) Make a silly to-do list.
4) Change your nasty sheets.
5) Test your patience.

Stay Gold.

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My Accomplished List

2011-04-26T16:18:00.002-05:00

1) Lived on my own for a week.
2) Had surgery.
3) Finally let go of a very toxic person.
4) Figured out how to work TiVo.
5) Kinda learned what Easter is. Kinda.
6) Attended my 100th NA and SAA meetings.
7) Watched every episode of Jimmy Neutron.
8) Didn’t go to a single restaurant.

Stay Gold.

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Video of the Week

2011-04-25T15:27:00.003-05:00

This is me. This is also old. I promise a new video in two weeks. :)

Stay Gold.

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Sunday Rant

2011-04-24T16:21:00.001-05:00

Topic: People who think that being upset gives them the right to be cruel.

I understand being upset. I understand being upset to the point where everyone and everything pisses you off, and makes you want to lash out. I get that, I do. But I do not understand why people think feeling that gives them the right to be cruel to others. Do not sit there, and tell me that I'm a horrible person, just because you're pissed off. Do not make me feel awful, just because the entire world will not stop for you. Do not make anyone else feel the way you're feeling. Nobody WANTS to feel like that. Nobody WANTS to be on the receiving end of your nonsense. Nobody WANTS to be anything but happy.

Stay Gold.

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Three Life Lessons

2011-04-24T13:09:00.002-05:00

ONE: "If you want to know, ask."

This is something that I've been working on lately. I don't like asking for help, I don't like asking for things, I don't like confronting people with questions. I just don't, and I do not know why, but I'm trying. I really am.

TWO: "No matter how much you care, some people just don't care back."

I put a lot of time and effort into a friendship, and the other person put in very little of either, unless it meant they would benefit. I realized how one-sided it was, but I didn't stop talking to them. I didn't stop caring, and for that, I am less. Now, I realize that some people are so oblivious and only concerned about themselves, and no matter how much you try, no matter how much you care, no matter how much you do for them, you will never be appreciated.

THREE: "Don't waste your time existing, when you could be living."

Someone left this in a (really rude and incredibly insulting) comment (that I chose not to post) on a previous blog of mine. This sentence really got to me, though. I exist. That's what I do. Solely, strictly, and singularly. I exist.

Stay Gold.

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Ten Things I've Learned This Week

2011-04-23T21:36:00.005-05:00

1) I get too attached to everything and everyone.
2) Junebugs are not my friends.
3) I've reached the palilalia stage of OCD.
4) I'm too confident, as far as my body goes.
5) Grown women are more like high school girls than high school girls are.
6) My couch and my bed are now tied for Most Comfy Place On Earth.
7) I pee A LOT.
8) Sex addiction is a joke to most people.
9) Neither of my grandpa's parents are his actual parents.
10) Lizzie and Jane are the only females (other than family) that I get along with and trust.

Stay Gold.

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Tips And Tricks

2011-04-23T13:48:00.000-05:00

1) Use seltzer and oxidized toothpaste to remove fresh blood stains on your clothes.
2) Use a coloured créme shadow as primer for your eyeshadow. Make sure it's either neutral or the same shade as the eyeshadow you're using.
3) Wash red, pink, and orange clothes separately from your other "coloured" clothes.
4) Use LocTite instead of thumbtacks and staples, to hang stuff on your wall.

Stay Gold.

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Just Do It

2011-04-22T15:37:00.000-05:00

Y'know how I'm a baby? Well, I'm sort of a toddler now. I moved out of my parents' house! To another state. It's awfuome. (Awful + Awesome) This is only for a few months, if that. But whatever. I did it. :)

Stay Gold.

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What's On The Whiteboard

2011-04-22T15:23:00.000-05:00

Stay Gold.

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To The People

2011-04-21T12:16:00.002-05:00

To the people who feel the need to constantly criticize my relationship:

I don't understand. You sitting there, and telling me that I'm "too good" for my boyfriend, or whatever, is not going to change my mind about being with him. It's not. Ever. And it is none of your business who I'm with, so fall back, and stop asking so many questions. Live a life of your own from now on.

Stay Gold.

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Five Things To Do

2011-04-20T14:22:00.002-05:00

Every Day

1) Make your bed.
2) Make sure you have clean socks for tomorrow.
3) Encourage yourself.
4) Clean your bathroom.
5) Hug your momma.

Stay Gold.

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My Accomplished List

2011-04-19T23:34:00.002-05:00

1) Left my job.
2) Moved to LA.
3) Lived to tell.
4) Cleaned my stankass car.
5) Gave some bitch all kinds of business.
6) Got caught up on In Plain Sight.
7) Planned/filmed a few Monday videos.
8) Bought new socks.

Stay Gold.

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Video of the Week

2011-04-18T14:17:00.008-05:00

This is Ross. I know that I mention him a lot, but it's all for good reasons. He's funny, he's talented, he's adorable. This is his most recent video, I think, and it's one of my favourite street interview videos that I've seen in a long time.

If you enjoyed that, go to http://www.youtube.com/therosseverett, and check out his Snooki book signing video. It was insanely hilarious.

Stay Gold.

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Three Life Lessons

2011-04-17T23:47:00.003-05:00

ONE: “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.”

I’m certainly not going to sit here, and say that I’ve been through a lot of hard shit in my life, because I haven’t been. That said, the last couple of months have been just awful, and this quote could not be truer for me right now.

TWO: “Judging someone doesn’t define who they are, it defines who you are.”

I love this so, so much. The people I know on the internet, for the most part, are terrible people, who talk about me to other people I know, and it’s like we’re still in high school. Backstabbing, fakes, liars, bitches, and assholes. That’s all it is. I won’t judge you, so don’t judge me.

THREE: “Not everyone in the entire stupid world is going to find YOU attractive.”

I’m not sure if that’s EXACTLY what was said, but it was something like that. It was directed at girls who can’t take compliments, but I think it applies to everyone. Don’t get all hurt in the feelings when someone isn’t interested in your looks, or lack thereof.

Stay Gold.

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Sunday Rant

2011-04-17T23:46:00.003-05:00

Topic: Bitches and citizens who post pictures, and say they’re ugly.

If you’re so goddamned ugly, quit posting pictures. I’ve decided that I’m fed up with this shit, and I’m going to start agreeing with all the negative shit people say about themselves. If they’re all “I’m ugly,” I’m gonna be like “Yeah, you are!” If they’re all “I have a fat face,” I’m gonna be like “Fuck yeah, you do!” Quit fishing, and just embrace how you look. People are always more attracted to people who are confident in their appearance, rather than people who are nothing but negative. Also, I encourage all of you to join me in making these idiots feel like shit.

Stay Gold.

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The Plan

2011-04-17T23:45:00.005-05:00

I know I’m always talking about blogging more, but I never actually do it. So, I’ve decided that I’m going to blog ten times a week: once on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, and twice on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Mondays will be the Video of the Week. I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to post a video of my own, or just link a video of someone else’s, so I’m going to either do both every week, or alternate between the two each week.

Tuesdays will be My Accomplished List. It’s much more gratifying than a to-do list.

Wednesdays will be Five Things To Do. One week will be Five Things To Do Every Day, one will be Every Week, one will be Every Month, one will be Every Year, and then it’ll go back to Every Day, and continue the cycle.

Thursdays will be To The People Who. Basically, I’m going to write letters to people who do dumb shit.

Fridays will be What’s on the Whiteboard, and Just Do It. What’s on the Whiteboard will just be a picture of my whiteboard, which almost always has something seriously, something silly, and something sexy on it. Just Do It will involve me doing things that I don’t normally do. Which is a lot, and it’s mostly simple stuff, but whatever.

Saturdays will be Ten Things I've Learned This Week, and Tips And Tricks. Ten Things I've Learned This Week is self-explanatory. Tip & Tricks will be just that, and will be for everything from cleaning, to make-up, to deals at restaurants, to pretty much everything else.

Sundays will be Three Life Lessons, and The Sunday Rant. Three Life Lessons will be three quotes, with my own stories of how they apply to me. The Sunday Rant will be me doing what I do best: bitching.

I’m definitely setting the bar a little high, with ten blogs a week, but I’m determined. If I get burned out with some of them, then I’ll stop doing those, but I want to blog more, so I won’t stop doing all of them.

Stay Gold.

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9 April 2011

2011-04-09T01:38:00.004-05:00

I’m too young to be this tired. It’s not like the kind of tired you can just sleep away. I wish it were, but it’s not. It’s this kind of tired where, no matter how hard I try, I can’t feel okay. I don’t know what it is. I have a good job, I have a few wonderful friends, I have a lovely boyfriend, I have an amazing family. I laugh a lot. I smile a lot. I have good times 95% of the time. I don’t understand why I feel so…I don’t know. I just generally feel like hell. Anyway. Here’s my favourite baby in the entire world. She makes me feels not like hell. (Even if my skin looks like it. lol And I don't wear make-up to work, so pardon my non-make-up'd face, k? K.)

Stay Gold.

Leave a comment telling me how to not feel like hell.

Ten Things Twitter Has Taught Me

2011-04-09T00:59:00.001-05:00

1 Character limits limit character.
2 Punctuation makes you seem like an asshole. (Ross actually taught me this, but whatever. lol)
3 Girls are so fucking shady.
4 Guys are so fucking bitchy.
5 Tits or GTFO will almost always make a bitch GTFO.
6 No one gives a damn.
7 Taryn Terrell is a dumbass.
8 Spam(bots) is my favourite kind of f(r)o(b)o(t)d.
9 To quote The Breakfast Club, when you grow up, your heart dies.
10 SACRIFICE THE GRAMMAR.

Stay Gold.

Comment. Or don't. I don't really care.

Ten Things I’ve Learned This Week

2011-04-09T00:58:00.002-05:00

1 I shouldn’t be allowed to make life choices.
2 I only have three people in my life who I can count on.
3 My communication skills have gotten MUCH better.
4 I’m more of an asshole than I thought I was.
5 I enjoy good gossip far too much.
6 My mom is almost too excited about becoming a grandmother.
7 I will fail every test in life, and ace every test in school.
8 Using the word “fuck” (or any variation thereof) will help you get your point across swiftly and efficiently.
9 Only small children look good in pastel colours.
10 Too many people want to fix too many things that were never broken to begin with.

Stay Gold.

Comment and whatnot. okaybye.

Catch Up, Ketchup.

2011-03-27T16:19:00.002-05:00

10 March 2011
The past few days have been pretty rough. I found out a lot of stuff that I wish I hadn’t. I let a lot of people down. I took everything way too seriously, and a few hearts got broken because of it.
You guys know that I’m a happy person MOST of the time. You guys also know that everything can’t be sunshine and rainbow farts 100% of the time.
I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know how I let myself get so caught up in making everyone else happy, that I lost my own happiness. But it happened. As much and as hard as I am trying to make it unhappen, I can’t, because every time I turn around, there’s something new for me to fix or to deal with.
It’s stupid. I’m stupid. I’m stupid for ever wanting or expecting anything from anyone.
I’m going to NYC next week, and I don’t expect any of you to make any effort to hang out with me. I’m so sick of trying to make plans with you people. All of you told me to come to NYC, and blahblahfucketyblah, and when I finally say that I am…no one gives a damn. I’m never going to plan a trip anywhere to see anyone ever again, especially since the lot of you are a bunch of two-faced assholes who don’t give a fuck whose feelings you hurt, as long as your “friends” like you. You’re all so fucking stupid.

11 March 2011
Do you know what pisses me off? When I used to be a size 16, am now a size 10, and still have to shop for my clothes in the Plus Size or Women’s section. (Women’s as in their “nice” way of saying plus size, not women’s as in female.) What the fuck is plus-sized, anyway? The way I see it, anything that’s not a size zero is on the plus side, thus technically being plus size. I just don’t get why I have to feel like a fatass when I buy clothes. Why can’t stores just organize their shit by size, and not by labels?

12 March 2011
Remember a long time ago, when I went the fuck off about how when people I call my friends just stop talking to me, without giving a reason as to why? It’s happened again. My best friend since grade 6 has decided that our friendship is over. How retarded. When I asked why, I didn’t get a response. I just don’t understand how you can tell someone that you’ll be there forever, then just remove yourself from their life, without any warning or any explanation.

13 March 2011
I get a lot of questions about my accent/speech/whatever else. So, I wanted to do this video, saying those words, but I added a lot more words, ones that I hear said differently, so…here’s that.

14 March 2011
One thing I’ve been wanting to discuss is the way that you guys view me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t give a fuck about what most of you think, much less what you think of me. I just wonder why you guys feel the need to constantly belittle me for being…better off, financially, and for being so unaware of a lot of things. Calling me a spoiled brat, telling me to make my own money and to stop living off of my parents, asking me why I’m so stupid, and telling me to do things for myself. It’s all useless, so I don’t understand why you guys continuously do it. I’m well aware that I am a spoiled brat. I understand that a lot of you don’t have the luxury of having your parents provide for you the way that mine provide for me, but that’s because a lot of you are full-fledged adults. I JUST turned 19. It’s not like I’ve had 5 years to move out and live on my own, y’know? I think that you don’t realize that I AM still a baby. My parents don’t provide for me because they have to, they provide for me because when I was growing up, we had nothing. I wore clothes from Airman’s Attic, ate government cheese, drank powdered milk, and all of that shitty stuff. So, now that my parents do have good jobs and are actually able to buy their kids nice things, they do so. I enjoyed my life before, but now, I’m able to enjoy it even more, because I have more in it to enjoy. I DO make my own money. I have a wonderful job, doing what I love, which is more than most of you can say. I know that I don’t do a lot of things for myself. It’s not like I choose to be incapable of things. Having Asperger’s makes my life a lot more difficult than it would be otherwise. I can’t just talk to people, I can’t ask for help. I can’t talk on the phone. I can’t drive too far. I can’t help but get attached to people. All of this makes my life hard, which is why my dad has to do a lot of things for me, and I don’t really care what anyone thinks about it. I’d rather have a bunch of assholes on the internet insulting me day in and day out, than have anxiety attacks all the damn time.

21 March 2011
I sometimes forget that I’m in love. Talk about silly, eh? But I honestly do forget. Then, I look at my phone, and see adorable texts from boyfriend, and I remember. I remember that I’ve got something wonderful going with him. This is the first relationship I’ve been in in over two years, since before I started all of my 12-step programs. I was afraid to get involved with anyone, because I didn’t want to relapse, but everything just happened so quickly with him, that I didn’t have time to stop and think, or to tell myself “no.” I’m so glad, though. I think what I love most about him is that forever doesn’t scare him. Thoughts of marriage, children, and putting up with my crazy ass for the rest of his life don’t scare him. It’s pretty fucking sweet!

22 March 2011
I recently had someone tell me that she didn’t want to be around me because of all the things that she sees as “wrong” with me. Those things? My stutter. My Asperger’s. My OCD. My accent. My inability to carry on a conversation.
Yeah…okay.
I don’t know if these things just scare her, because she knows nothing about them (aside from my accent, which I think was just stupid of her to include in that list) or if she’s seeing these things as excuses to not hang out with me. Either way, it’s dumb. SHE’S dumb.
My stutter makes me sound stupid. My OCD makes me look stupid. My Asperger’s makes me do stupid things. My accent is stupid. My inability to carry on a conversation makes people think I’m stupid.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Yep, that’s me. Oh, wait…no, it isn’t. It’s everyone who puts people down because of things that they can’t control.
I didn’t ask to have a stutter. I didn’t ask to have Asperger’s. I didn’t ask to have OCD. Lord knows I didn’t ask to sound like this, when I’m actually able to speak.
To me, it’s like telling someone that you don’t want to be around them because they have a heart condition or freckles or big ears or whatthefuckever. When did it become okay to put people down and to distance yourself from them because of things like this.
I just think it’s silly. I hope that girl has children with afflictions like mine. HATE YOUR KIDS, BITCH.

23 March 2011
20 Things I’ve Learned Since High School:
1-Being the bigger person doesn’t always mean being the better person.
2-Letting go isn’t something I’m good at.
3-I keep bad people in my life for far too long, far too often.
4-Listening to someone and hearing them are two very different things.
5-Sometimes, you just have to be an asshole.
6-I worry too much about things that will never happen.
7-I’m going to be an amazing mother one day.
8-The way you look has EVERYTHING to do with how you’re treated.
9-I rely on shitty people for too many things.
10-Say what you need to say.
11-My parents are the most amazing people in the world.
12-Being clean and sober is far greater than using and abusing.
13-I can’t trust anyone.
14-Just because someone wants you, doesn’t mean they want you forever.
15-Everyone deserves respect, but sometimes, you have just have to offend people.
16-Know what to say out loud, and what to keep locked deep inside your mind.
17-Fess up when you mess up.
18-I don’t like silence. It makes me mind too loud.
19-Life is easier when you smile.
20-Make it a win.

27 March 2011
I have this kid, at my school, who has anger and behavior issues. All anyone is focused on is making him better. I spent all this week trying to connect with him, trying to help him. After hours and hours of talking, bonding, and all of the stuff the books and papers say you should do, I was left with nothing more than I had started with. I wasn’t going to give up, until I realized that making him better isn’t an option. The director wants to make him behave, she wants to fix him. His parents want to fix him, they want to make it so they don’t have to deal with it. Fix, fix, fix. I sat his parents down, along with the director, and I let them know that they can’t fix him. They can’t fix him because he’s not broken. I said this, and they looked at me as though I were a ghost. I went on to explain that my brother and sister were/are the same way he is. He’ll grow up and grow out of it. He’ll make himself better. He’s not broken. He’s not.

Pardon any spelling or grammatical errors in any of this. I’m an awful person. lol

Stay Gold.

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If It's So Complicated, Then Go Fuck Yourself.

2011-01-30T19:50:00.003-06:00

Here's something I still don't understand: "It's Complicated" relationship statuses. What the fuck does that even mean?! Are you not sure if you're in a relationship? Are you creeping on someone so hard, you think you're in love them? Are you and your (supposed) significant other that unsure of absolutely everything? I mean, WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MEAN?! Either you're in a relationship or your not. Like, WHERE is the grey area there?! I DON'T GET IT. Complicate your ass to "in a relationship" or "single." Seriously. Or take that shit off of your profile until you can figure it out. Goddamn.

Stay Gold.

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Let's Play Pretend

2011-01-29T16:07:00.000-06:00

Last night, I told you guys that my grandmother has a tumor in her brain, and that she's dying. WHen my mom told me that, I reacted the same way I would react to her telling me what's for dinner: K. That's what I said. K. It's not that I don't care, it's not that I want my grandmother to die, it's just that, all of my life, every time someone's gotten sick or whatever, I continue on like nothing's wrong. My mom's had cancer so many times, and she'd tell us, then never mention it again, so I suppose that's why I act like everything's okay, when it's not.

Is it stupid of me to act like nothing's wrong with her? I mean, is it expected of me to be nicer to her and to tell her how much I love and appreciate her, JUST because she's dying? What does that accomplish, aside from reminding her that she's not going to be around much longer? Is it selfish of me to not want to prepare for her death, to not want to worry about what will happen afterwards, to not care? I'm not going to sit around and wait for her to die. When it happens, then I'll have no choice but to deal with it, but until then, let's play pretend.

Stay Gold.

Leave a comment if you must.

So This Happened.

2011-01-18T23:43:00.002-06:00

For the last week, I’ve been going nuts trying to find the most current edition of the required texbooks and whatever the fuck else I needed for my classes. Today, the first day of the spring semester, I receive the following e-mail from my advisor:

“Ms. [Woolysocks],
It’s just come to my attention that your registration papers and the required fees have not been filled out correctly and need to be redone. While I understand that the semester has already begun, I would like to set up an appointment for you to meet with me again, so we can get your papers done and get you started in your spring classes.
-Mr. [IAmAnIdiot]”

What the fuck, right? You mean to tell me that the papers you filled out WITH me were done wrong? Seriously. Anyway, this is what I sent back to him:

“Mr. [IAmAnIdiot],
It’s just come to my attention that you are a moron and you should not be employed in your current position, as the senior advisor for [Bumfuck College]. While I understand that you are old and demented, I would like to set up an appointment for you to get your head out of your ass. I will no longer be attending [Bumfuck College], so further communication between the fuckheads that work there (i.e. you) and the misfortunate humans that have to deal with you (i.e. me) is no longer required or desired.
-Ms. [Woolysocks]”

Stay Gold.

Leave a comment if you must.

Keep Me In Mind.

2011-01-15T18:19:00.005-06:00

My long awaited return is upon us. Well, maybe just awaited. And probably just by me. lol But seriously. Things that I did while I was away?

-Got back into country music. That was a part of my life that I wish I'd rediscovered sooner.
-Met the new love of my life, Anabelle. [Pictured below.]
-Realized that if Logan Echolls were a real person, I would marry him and live happily ever after. Same goes for Dick Casablancas, but I won't get into that. lol
-Waited too long to register for spring classes.
-Received my Ring of Honor tickets for March.
-Found out that my brother-in-law is being deployed.
-Found out that I may be moving to Shreveport.
-Got $256.78 worth of clothes for $0.86.
-Started my second job, then quit.
-Possibly fell in love with Luke Bryan.
-Decided that I want a carrot cake at my wedding, and decided that DJ's just gonna have to be okay with that. :)
-Became the most jaded motherfucker on Earth.
-Got my CPR certification.
-Performed the Heimlich on a pregnant woman.
-Began my journey into Veronica Marsdom and made a bunch of fake college schedules for people to give to their bosses/parents/whatever.

Anyway, today, as some of you know, is my second anniversary of being clean. I've got a ton of things in my life to work on, but this whole "not using" thing is definitely something that I've got down. My second semester of college starts Tuesday. I need to quit my job, but the more I think about it, the more I realize how much I love/can't leave my babies.

This is Anabelle. :)

Stay Gold.

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kbye

2010-12-23T23:23:00.001-06:00

I’m going to be away from the internet for a while. Possibly a very long while. I’m constantly being reminded of people that I’ve removed from my life, and that’s not good for me. It’s frustrating seeing guys play the same game over and over and seeing girls fall for it each and every time. Especially when they played the same game with me and I fell for it. Even more so when these girls don’t listen to what I tell them, then they get mad at me when they realize that they made a poor choice in continuing to talk to those guys. It’s just awful, and I know that when I get back on the internet, things will still be the same, but, hopefully, I’ll have come to my senses by then and severed all ties between me and those people. If you would like to stay in contact, message me on Facebook or Twitter and I’ll give you my number ot AIM screename. Whichever. As long as you’re not a creeper.

Stay Gold.

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Gotta Keep Your Face Up

2010-12-22T00:53:00.001-06:00

After reading Allison's Tumblr post earlier, I was sort of inspired to open up about something that I've never told anyone about. I have Asperger's. Moderate, but active. I function more efficiently than most of those affected by it, but it still controls everything that I do. Einstein had Asperger's and look where it got him. Same goes for Woody Allen, Beethoven, Alexander Graham Bell, Bob Dylan, Thomas Edison, Bobby Fischer, Henry Ford, Alfred Hitchcock, Thomas Jefferson, Carl Jung, Mozart, Andy Warhol, and so many other people who we, today, see as geniuses, innovators, and idols to the masses. My IQ is 193. I stutter. I know all 743 of my contacts' phone numbers by heart. I have no social skills. I'm okay with all of this, because this? This is my life. Welcome to it.

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Celebrity Spank Bank Part Deux: Guys & Dolls

2010-12-21T21:11:00.011-06:00

Part two of my Celebrity Spank Bank. Part one can be found here.

Aishwarya Rai
She’s pretty much the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

Johnny Messner
Hmm…yep.

Mike Ness
The first musician that I ever had a crush on. lol

Chris O’Donnell
I want to make babies with this dude.

Brandon Barash
I first saw him on General Hospital. Then, I saw him in my dreams. haha But seriously. Adorable!

Layla Allman
This girl is the next badass “it” girl. Ferfuckinsher.

Rick Yemm
The world’s most adorable badass. lol

David Boreanaz
Um. Yeah. So… :D

James Deen
How adorable is he? And his dong is reasonably sized, so it’s a win-win for me. XD

Daniela Ruah
Holy legs. She’s so cute, too.

Ian Nelson
Guy next door/James Deen look-alike. Another win-win.

Marshall Allman
Oh, LJ.

Greg Vaughan
He was/kinda still is my dream man. I didn’t put him in part one for reasons that I included in it, but I decided to put him in part two, just because.

Zooey & Emily Deschanel
These girls. Ohmahgootness.

Shia LaBeouf
I don’t understand my infatuation with him. lol

Rachel McAdams
Yum.

Sofia Vergara
She’s fucking hot. Fuck.Ing.Hot.

Eric Dane
Oh, McSteamy.

Jessica Szohr
*shrugs* She’s just pretty.

Freida Pinto
*shrugs again* She’s pretty, too.

Mariska Hargitay
I want to be this woman.

Christina Aguilera
Talented. Beautiful. Amazing.

Sean Foreman
Yep. haha

Conan O'Brien
Strictly with a beard.

Julie Benz
Mostly as a brunette.

Michael C. Hall
:D

KiD CuDi
This dude. This.Dude.

Sherilyn Fenn
So.Fucking.Gorgeous.

Alberto Del Rio
lol I couldn’t decide between these two pictures. (Thanks to Allie for both of them.)

Jason Ritter
Mmmyep.

Zachary Quinto
I’d hit that. Obviously.

Stay Gold.

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Broken Machine

2010-12-16T00:51:00.002-06:00

Ten Things That Have Happened Since My Last Blog:
-I made amends with my sister.
-My self-esteem hit an all time low.
-I headed an NA meeting.
-I finished my first semester of college.
-I got to spend time with someone I hadn’t seen in almost two years.
-I cried. A lot. Most of the time, it was for stupid reasons.
-I opened up to someone for the first time in a very long time.
-I grew the fuck up.
-I saw my dad truly happy, for the first time in my life.
-I fought the law, and the law won. Just kidding. I won.

Five Things That I’ve Realized Since My Last Blog:
-I’m awful at disciplining children.
-I spend too much time worrying about things that will probably never happen.
-I can carry four babies at the same time.
-I put too much of my heart into everything that I do.
-I’m the loneliest motherfucker on Earth.

Two Things That I Want You To Know:
-I‘ve gone to the emergency room three times in the last week.
-I love you for reading this.

Stay Gold.

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It Gets Better [The Blog Version]

2010-11-28T23:40:00.000-06:00

I was going to make an It Gets Better video, but my clarity is much more precise when I'm writing, not talking. So, this is me doing my small part in the It Gets Better movement. To steal a quote from Meghan Tonjes, who stole it from Joss Whedon: "Others can't see your pain. because they're too busy drowning in their own." That was my problem for a very long time. I was too caught up in my own problems to give a damn about anyone else's. My home life was unsatisfying. I couldn't have cared less about anyone else. Everything was about me and all the things that I was going through. I didn't know what empathy was. I still have a hard time with it. I knew what love was. I knew that my family loved me and that I loved them. I knew that, no matter what, they'd be there. But that didn't stop me from making some awful decisions.

When I was ten years old, I had my first sexual experience, and it was with a girl who happened to be my best friend. She started telling people, and those people told people, and so on and so on, until everyone knew. Then, all anyone wanted to do was fix me. The problem is, I wasn't broken. I was coming into myself, and I was doing it in a way that made a lot of people hate me. I was called every name you could think of, and then some. I never told anyone to stop, so it kept going. All through middle school, I was teased. Freshman year of high school, we moved here, to Texas. The night before my first day of school here, I swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills, along with 30 Roxies. I was done. I couldn't take it anymore. i couldn't imagine being reamed the way I had been, in a new school. I went to bed expecting to die. I didn't want to wake up. I didn't want to have to worry about who knew what or who was telling who what. The next morning, I woke up. I woke up as though it were any other day. I tossed the pill bottles in the garbage and went on with my life, never telling a soul what I had tried to do. I started school and fell back into my cycle. I slept with everyone: teachers, principals, classmates. Hell, I even got the captain of the varsity football team. More than once, too. Not to mention the cheerleaders. Word got around that I got around, with girls, guys, and whoever the hell else I could get my hands on. Then, the teasing and snarky remarks began again.

In English class one day, I walked in on a huge debate as to whether I was bisexual or just a plain ol' lesbian. They had pretty much decided that it was the latter. I never told anyone otherwise, so nobody knew any better than to believe what others told them. I stopped caring about what they were saying and started caring about me. Sure, I got around, so this isn't the best It Gets Better story ever, but it's got the same gist to it. Once I stopped worrying about what people thought of me, I became a different person. I was glad to be who I was, and I am glad to be who I am. I'm glad that I didn't die that night, because had I, I wouldn't be content with everything in my life. I wouldn't be here right now, telling you that if you want to be with a girl, go for it, and if you want to be with a guy, go for it. It doesn't matter what you do or who you do it with. You can't be comfortable externally if you're not comfortable internally. Love yourself and everything that you are. Don't let other people define you. Adages and clichés exist for a reason. You can't love someone else until you love yourself. Do that and you can do anything.

Stay Gold.

Any feedback about this post can be sent to letitgo315@yahoo.com using the subject line "It Gets Better [The Blog Version]."

This Smells Like Katrina De Voort

2010-10-29T20:12:00.000-05:00

Every time I mention my OCD, I get a lot of questions. Some are ignorant, but some are genuine. I want to help you understand this disorder, as it affects me. I don’t know how it affects other people, so don’t take this as insight into OCD as a whole. This is my story. Short, sweet, and to the damn point.

I was diagnosed with OCD when I was eight years old. It started with me touching things twice, constantly counting to four, and grouping things into even numbers. Over the years, it’s done nothing but get worse, according to the doctors. According to me, though, it’s getting better. The relief that I feel when I straighten something on a shelf, or tap something twice, is unimaginable.

If I touch something, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I need to touch it again. Sometimes, however, my chest gets really tight, and that’s when I know that I need to repeat whatever I just did. I spend about 4 hours a day doing my compulsions.

My life isn’t greatly affected by my disorder, because I’ve gotten really good at making it look like nothing out of the ordinary. I’m an OCD ninja, all stealth-like and sneaky. The only people that know about my OCD are my parents and siblings…and you guys, of course. I’m not ashamed of it, I’m not embarrassed by it, I’m nothing but content with it. It’s just easier to not tell people, because once you do, there will be a million questions, assumptions that you’re crazy, and funny looks as the rumor mill is in motion.

I’m aware of my OCD, I’m aware that it’s not going to go away, and I’m aware that it affects me more than I’ll ever know.

Stay Gold.

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Somebody Has To Say It

2010-10-29T01:16:00.001-05:00

This is a collection of letters that I’ve written to various people, or groups of people, that I feel needed to be posted for all of the world to see. (Actually, I haven’t actually WRITTEN these. I’m making them up as I go. Enjoy!)

Dear Fellow Fat Chicks Of The World,
There ARE decent looking clothes in your size. Stop wearing clothes that don’t fit you. If you’re going to wear denim, make sue that it’s thick. If you’re going to wear jeans, make sure they’re not low-rise jeans. Nobody wants to see your fat rolls swinging and swaying with every step you take. Also, stop denying that you’re fat. Stop calling yourself average. Being 5’6” and weighing 230 pounds is not average. Being 25 years old and still denying that you’re fat, or coming up with weird synonyms, like “chubby,” “thick,” or “large” is just silly. You’re a grown ass woman. You’re fat. Own it.
-LD

Dear Katy Perry,
You’re annoying. I mean, you were cute when you were singing about how guys are bitches and whatever else, but now? Now, you’re singing about being a teenage dream, which I can only take as your not-so-implied way of saying that you like teenage boys. Also, Russell Brand? Really? Really?
-LD

Dear Men,
As a whole, you have a reputation for being pigs. In my experience, that is a rather accurate summarization of you. I don’t get it. I mean, you feel the need to creep, even if you’re married or in a relationship. What if I showed your lovely lady the things you send to me? It’s not hard to find her, seeing as how your Facebook page clearly says you’re with her and links to her page. And to those of you who aren’t in a relationship of any kind, I can guarantee you that you’re not going to find the one by borderline harassing her on the internet.
-LD

Dear People Who Think OCD Is Contagious,
You have problems. More than those of us affected by this disorder. Being around me isn’t going to make your brain start functioning the way that mine does. At the same time, criticizing me for having to double check things or touch things or straighten things isn’t going to make my OCD magically disappear.
-LD

Dear People Who Unfollow Me For My Slightly Obnoxious Tweets,
When you’re watching a sports event or a TV show or a movie or just hanging out, you tweet. A lot. It gets annoying at times, but that doesn’t make me unfollow you. So, when I’m watching someone’s live show and tweet about it, and you unfollow me, that makes me hate you. You care as much about BlogTV as I do about the Yankees or Outsourced or I Love You, Beth Cooper, or the fact that your friend Joe just farted and stank up your apartment. So, it’s like this: If you unfollow me because I’m enjoying something, I’m going to unfollow you because you’re an asshole.
-LD

Dear Disney,
What’s up with this “no love for the middle United States” thing? Seriously. Do something about it.
-LD

Dear Brittany Burke,
I get that I kinda stole your boyfriend sophomore year, but is that really a reason to completely exclude me from the yearbook? I mean, what about Stormy McCullough-Pendergraph and Angela Jensen? Those girls are the devil’s spawn, yet their ugly mugs are all over your precious little yearbook. I can only assume that you didn’t want my picture in there because then everyone would’ve known why your darling Cody ran around on you…with me. Oh, and P.S. - Your hair still looks like absolute shit.
-LD

Stay Gold.

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My Weekend. (So Far.)

2010-10-16T22:59:00.005-05:00

I thought my week was bad. Who would’ve thought that my weekend would be even worse? I got off of work Friday, came home and just hung out for a while. My mom gets home and tells me that my sister and her fiancé are coming here for the weekend. I hate them both. Very, very, very, VERY much. They get here around 10pm, and I’m watching Psych on Netflix and doing my homework. At about 1 or 1:30, I head upstairs to go to bed. I see that my brother’s door is open, and I knew that if he were home, his door would be closed. So, I just figure that he’s out. I go into my room, turn around and lock the door, and my phone rings. It’s little brother. This was the conversation:

"Hello?"
"Hey, I need you to come get me. I’m out by the high school, further down the road."
"Why are you there?"
"I snuck out and went to Frank’s. He took his mom’s car and wrecked it."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I’m fine. Just come get me, please."
"Is Frank okay?"
"Yeah. PLEASE come get me."
"Okay. I’ll be there in a minute."

The fear in his voice was enough to make me start crying. I grab my keys and wallet, go downstairs, and ask my sister’s fiancé to move his car, because he parked behind me and I couldn’t get out of the driveway. He says he has to pee and he’ll be right out. I get in my car and I start shaking...bad. I can’t even tell you where my heart was at that point. Little brother calls again. Here’s that conversation:

'Hello?"
"Hey, I’ll meet you in [neighborhood’s name.]"
"Okay."
"Hey, just please, please, please don’t tell daddy. Please..."
"I’m not going to. Just calm down and I’ll see you in a minute."

This time, the fear in his voice had turned to something familiar. I could hear in his voice that he needed comfort. (A tone that I know all too well, from working at a daycare.) Then, I called my little sister. She was over at Frank’s house, spending the night with his little sister, Hannah. This was that conversation:

"Hello?"
"Hey. Are you at Hannah’s?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Is their mom awake?"
"No."
"Okay. Go wake her up."
"Why?"
"Frank took her car and wrecked it."
"How do you know?"
"[Little brother] was with him. He just called me. Go wake her up and tell her. And DON’T SAY ANYTHING about [little brother] being in the car."
"Okay."
"K. Bye."

I didn’t know how bad the wreck was, but I knew that Frank’s mom needed to be there. If not for her son, then for her car. I go and get my brother and tell him to show me where the accident was. (Rewind: The car flipped, little brother kicked the window out, and got the hell out of there. Just so you know.) He shows me where the accident was, and the cops are already there. He begs me not to drive any closer. I say okay. Had the cops not been there, I would’ve gone, anyway, just to make sure that Frank was okay. I’ve never met this child, and I know he’s bad news, but I would’ve taken care of him. He’s 15, has a rap sheet longer than my arm, and just got out of rehab, but he’s a human being, a child at that, and I’m not completely heartless.

Anyway, I head home with little brother. I ask him what happened. He says all he remembers is Frank swerving, then the car was upside down. The guy driving in front of them stopped and called 911 and let Frank use his cell to call his mom. I ask him if Frank was high, and he says no. I ask him if Frank called his mom, he says yes, but that was their only car. So, I tell him to call little sister or Hannah and tell them that I’m coming to get their mom, so she can go see her car and son, and talk to whoever she needs to talk to. Little brother shows me where they live, then walks home. Little sister had told Frank and Hannah’s mom that little brother was in the car, so she knew by the time we got there. Little sister, Hannah, and mom (I never caught this woman’s name, by the way) get in the car and we head back to the accident.

I pull up behind the police cars and Frank’s mom was getting out of the car, and I told her I was going to stay with her. So, we walk toward the chaos and the sheriff is there. Oh, and there was another boy in the car. Jason, his name was. His arm was cut pretty badly, and by the time we got there, they had him in the ambulance already. So, anyway. Frank’s mom and I talk to the sheriff and he says that Frank and Jason are both high. He says that there was another passenger in the car, but he took off on foot. I wasn’t about to snitch on my baby brother, and luckily, Frank's mom kept her mouth shut. The sheriff says that he didn’t have to stick around, and the only thing that he would be charged with, if he weren’t high, as well, would be being out past curfew. He says that Jason is going to be charged with being under the influence and being out past curfew and Frank is going to be charged with being under the influence, driving without a license, being out past curfew, intoxicated assault (because Jason was hurt,) and he tells us that the only way the insurance will pay for a new car is if she presses charges against her son for stealing her car. (I’m still not sure what she’s going to do, as far as that goes.)

This was the point when I finally looked at the car. Completely totaled. Upside down in the ditch. The passengers’ side of the car is completely flat. The driver’s side is still intact, except for the shattered windows. Basically, the car looked like a wedge. I’m not big on religion or spirituality or any of that, but I swear to you, little brother has someone or something watching over him. There’s been too many times in his life that he should’ve been killed, but he always walks away unharmed. I was still shaking from when I initially got into my car. When I saw what the car looked like, my legs turned to mush. As I was sitting on the road, an officer walked by, leading Frank, who was in handcuffs. When I saw Frank, I knew that I should've been mad. I knew that I should’ve wanted to kill him. I don’t even know this kid, and all I felt when I saw him was disappointment. I got myself together enough to walk back to my car and let Frank’s mom handle all the paperwork that needed to be done. On my way, I stopped and looked at Frank. I gave him that “it’ll be okay” hand-on-the-shoulder-and-nod thing. Looking back, I’m sure he was like “Who the hell is this girl and why is she touching me?” Oh, well.

Something funny did happen, during all of this. Hannah was in the backseat of my car, and being the nerd that she is, all she was worried about was getting her homework and textbooks out of her mom’s car. Her mom came back to the car with Hannah’s school things, so for Hannah, all was right in the world. I took them home, and told little sister to get her things, because I didn’t need her over at their house with all of this going on. On our way home, I told her to call little brother and tell him to wake dad up and tell him what he’d done. He begs me to let it wait until morning. I told him he better wake up before I do. I get home and park behind my sister’s fiancé in the driveway. (You’ll need to know this when I get to why Saturday sucked.) I go to little brother’s room and ask him if he was high, too. He says no. My little brother’s an asshole and a liar, but he has never lied to me. (By the way, I believe that he didn’t know that Frank and Jason were high.) So, I head to bed. This was at about 3am. We had to leave the house by 8am on Saturday, which meant I needed to be up at 6:30am.

6:30am rolls around and I take my three and a half hours of sleep and pretend it was longer. We had to go get our military IDs redone, now that my dad’s retired. My brother and dad were in my dad’s truck, and little sister, mom, and myself were in mom’s van. Mom asks little sister how she got home from Hannah’s. She says I picked her up. Mom asks me what time. I say about 2am. She says “2AM?! Why?!” I say that she needs to talk to little brother about that. She says why. So, I tell her. She calls dad. Dad supposedly talks with little brother about it. I know my parents all too well to think that they’d discipline either of the younger kids. Later in the day, little brother says “Dude. He wasn’t even mad about it,” thus affirming what I’d already known.

On our way home from getting out IDs done, dad says to call older sister and ask if she and her fiancé want to go to breakfast. They say okay. Then, older sister calls little brother and asks him to ask me where my keys are, so she can move my car. I say they’re in my room, but my door’s locked. Dad says for them to just chill and we’ll come home and I’ll move my car, so we can go to breakfast. Older sister calls dad a few minutes later and tells him that they don’t need us to come home and that they’ll meet us at the restaurant.

We’re sitting there eating and older sister says something about driving my car. I said “You drove my car?” She nods like it’s no big deal. It normally wouldn’t be, but the fact that she had to break into my room to get my keys made me so mad. My OCD doesn’t like people being near my things. My room, things in my room, my keys, my car, whatever. I’m not okay with anyone touching any of it. As we’re leaving, she hands my keys to little brother and tells him to give them to me, and he does.

Later in that day, we leave for dinner. Little sister rides with older sister and her fiancé, little brother and I are with dad in the truck. We pull into the parking lot and little sister has sunglasses on her face that look awfully familiar. She gets out of the car and says “Hey, did you give these to [older sister]?” I say no. She says “Oh. She said she got them from you.” So, not only did she break into my room, go through my things to find my keys, take my keys, and drive my car, she also stole my sunglasses. My parents wonder why I hate her…

Oh, one more thing, we went out to dinner to celebrate my brother’s and my sister’s fiancé’s birthdays. My parents said it was their treat. Sister’s fiancé thought it was okay to order nine drinks. My mom looked like she was going to cry when the server brought the check to her. Seriously, I would’ve made him pay for his drinks. No part of dinner involves NINE drinks. Another thing! Sister’s fiancé thinks it’s funny to interrupt or reverse my compulsions. When I move something, he moves it back. When I adjust something, he readjusts it. If I need to touch something again, he moves it. He’s not going to think it’s so funny when I lose my mind because of him. (He’s an asshole, by the way. He bosses my sister around, telling her to pick this up, or pick that up, do the dishes, iron his clothes. Fuck that. You’re a grown ass man, do it yourdamnself. If anyone ever tried that shit with me, I’d slit their fucking throat. Fuck you, you’re not an incapable child. Jesusfuck.) So, there. That was my weekend.

Stay Gold.

P.S.-Never once did I think to wake my parents up. My only thought was to get my brother. After his second phone call, it became needing to get TO him and not just get him, if that makes any sense at all.

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Celebrity Spank Bank!

2010-10-15T13:26:00.031-05:00

My name is LuchaDoll and this is my Celebrity Spank Bank.

James Roday
I remember the first time that I ever saw him. He was screaming like a little girl. I’ve been in love ever since. lol :] It doesn't hurt that he has a huge scar on his chest. Scars are hot. haha

Sidney Crosby
What do you get when you mix an innocent crush with a big mouth? You get a tattoo of Sidney Crosby’s jersey number. Also, he's a fellow member of the Big Teeth Club. XD

Amaury Nolasco
My family and I used to watch Prison Break every Monday. My mom and sisters would swoon everytime Wentworth Miller or Dominic Purcell was on screen. Not me, though. This fine piece of Mexico is who did it for me. Still does. Forever will, I’m sure.

Desi Arnaz
HUH?! Yep. This one’s kinda creepy, but whatever. He was a handsome ass dude.

Matt Bomer
The first of many gays on this list. If he were a little taller, he’d replace Greg Vaughan as my dream man. (Sidenote: Greg Vaughan isn’t on this list, because when I think of him, my ovaries want him more than my heart does. We’d make beautiful children. haha)

Boris Kodjoe
I wasn’t even aware that this man existed until just recently, and my freakin’ God. I am disappointed in all of you for not telling me about him sooner.

Jensen Ackles
I’ve had a crush on this man since I was 7 or 8 years old. lol All these years later, he still gets my gears going.

Terrence Howard
Do I really need to explain myself on this one?

Isaiah Mustafa
Look at this man, now back at me, now back at this man. Now, keep looking at him while I go change my pants.

Ross Everett
I’m sure all of you are wondering about this one, but I don’t care. He’s funny, he’s adorable, he makes me happy.

Robert Downey, Jr.
The first of many oldheads on my list. He gets better looking as he gets older.

Sam Jaeger
I first saw him in Catch and Release, but I didn’t realize how much I liked him until this season of Parenthood started.

Mark Harmon
Another oldhead. Another dude that gets better looking as he ages. And have you seen those eyes? To.Die.For.

Denzel Washington
I’m pretty sure that Denzel is on every woman’s list.

Corbin Bernsen
I first saw him as John Durant on General Hospital. Now, I see him every week as Henry Spencer. He was ugly when he was younger, but sweet jesus, he looks good now.

Christopher Meloni
Another dude that I’m sure is on every woman’s list.

Alan Ruck
Yet another oldhead. Yet another example of one that looks better now than he did 20 years ago.

Bruce Willis
Heh. Yep.

Michael Buckley
What a handsome man.

Nate Berkus
Dude can decorate my home ANYTIME. *suggestive wink*

Brett The Intern
I love Brett. That is all.

Joseph Julian Soria
I think JJ is the youngest guy on this list. I sometimes forget that he and I are friends on Facebook, and I post things about how adorable I think he is. lol He’s gorgeous. End of story.

Jon Favreau
Obama’s speechwriter. Obama’s adorable speechwriter. Mmm-mmm-mm.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt
I’m not really sure when this little crush developed, but whatever. He’s adorable. :D

Stay Gold.

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My Week.

2010-10-15T12:35:00.003-05:00

Sunday- I realized that I can’t balance school and work and still be able to function at a normal, productive level. Complete breakdown at the point.

Monday-My dad left for the week. I officially started my new job.

Tuesday-I worked for 12 hours, then went to school for 4. Then I went out with a friend until 5am. 23 hours of non-stop movement? Not ideal, but I wasn’t even tired. I waited until the very last minute to wish my wonderful boyfriend a happy birthday, just because I knew that iit would be the only high point of my day. Okay, okay, I was totally late wishing him a happy birthday, but whatever. He knows better than to expect me to be prompt about things. lol :]

Wednesday-I don’t really remember much of Wednesday.

Thursday-Thursday was really stressful, but for really no reason at all. I worked until 7, then forgot to get my sister from school. I’m going to be a terrible mother.

Speaking of being a mother, working at a daycare just makes me want babies. Even with all the crying and pooping and inability to verbalize what they want, I love all of my kids. Do you mind if I tell you about them? Wait…I don’t even care. I’m gonna do it anyway.

Aiden- I just got Aiden on Monday. He’ll be two next month. He’s got the face of an old man and the soul of a stranger. He knows what he wants. He’s got the mind of a leader, but he seeks comfort from me more than any of the other kids.

Ashlee- A thin-lipped, heavy set, rebellious girl. She wastes time, she wanders, she mindlessly mumbles things that make no sense to anyone, not even her.

Brooklyn- She reminds me of me when I was younger. Bangs in her face, mismatched clothes, too smart for her own good. She’s got this raspy voice that makes me smile. I don’t have her in my class anymore, but I do see her when we combine classes in the evening.

Brooklynn- Blonde hair, big blue eyes, bossy. She’s adorable. She’s not in my class anymore, either. But I also see her when classes combine.

Chase - Chase is the one that I worry about. He had tubes up until about a year ago, so he doesn’t speak. We work on it, and he’s learning, but he spends most of his time humming. When he cries, I don’t know how to help him, because he can’t tell me what he needs. He’d never heard words before he got his tubes out, so I know that this whole communication thing is as hard for him as it is for me.

Cylee- A pug-faced, blonde-haired girl with a medical condition I can’t pronounce.

Garrett- I just got Garrett on Monday, as well. He’s super short and has a raspy voice. He’s got these big blue eyes and a buzz cut that makes his head look huge. lol But he’s adorable.

Grady- I just met Grady yesterday. He comes in about once every two weeks. Red hair, green eyes, mousy voice. Reminds me of my little brother.

Lucas- Ahh, Lucas. The Tommy Pickles of my daycare. Never without his sippy cup and never with pants. The leader of the twos. He can be trouble, but most of the time, he’s laughing and being freakin’ adorable.

Macy- Little Macy Mouse. She has skin that you can practically see through. She has strawberry blonde hair and huge green eyes. She like to be held and it’s okay, because she’s so little. :]

Markie- This little evil spawn. My goodness. He doesn’t listen, climbs on everything in sight, sits ON the table instead of AT the table, and expects me to coddle him when he’s hurt or upset. No, sir. Fuck outta here with that.

Martin- He doesn’t speak English. That’s about all I know about this kid. *shrugs*

Valentina- Valentina….another one that reminds me of me. Quiet, easily attached, more of a bystander than anything else.

Zavier- All I know about this kid is that his mom picks him up around the time that I get to work.

Last night, I realized that there are a few…couple…okay, there’s one. One person that I keep in my life simply because they’re the only person who hasn’t disappeared or walked away or straight up vaporized. Okay, I’ve never known someone who’s vaporized, but you get my point. There’s this strange, odd comfort that I get from talking to them. Ah, well.

I wish my dad would come home already. :(

Stay Gold.

Any feedback about this post can be sent to letitgo315@yahoo.com using the subject line "My Week."

Ten Days!

2010-10-07T21:59:00.010-05:00

I suck at blogging lately. I start a ton of them, and then, I never finish or post them. So, here's another meme! I'm switching everything around, though, so I'll do Day Ten on Day One. I'm a rebel.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
I'm not doing this one. I'm pretty sure that all of these would be some sort of greeting. lol

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
-I have OCD.
-I don't answer the door.
-I think my dad is the smartest person ever.
-My favorite book is the dictionary.
-I ignore some of the kids at my work when they're crying, but only because they don't listen to me. Two year olds need to know about karma, too. Don't judge me.
-I learned how to spell antidisestablishmentarianism when I was in 3rd grade.
-I have a really ghetto middle name.
-I think most white babies are ugly. For real.
-I'm thinking about quitting school.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
-Don't be ugly. (For real. And don't even act like this doesn't apply in your world, either, assholes.)
-Be confident, but don't be a dick.
-Don't be afraid of children.
-Understand that being silly is just a part of life.
-Wear Kenneth Cole Black.
-Have superb hygiene.
-Be able to quote Psych with me.
-Don't be this crevice in my arm. *points to elbow crease*

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
-I should probably do this homework...
-What do I have to do tomorrow?
-What time do I have to wake up tomorrow?
-Texas smells bad.
-Where are my keys?
-Why don't I have any clean laundry?
-What is this? I don't even!

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
This one's easy. There's nothing that I wish I'd never done. Live and learn. :)

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot to you (in no order whatsoever.)
-My momma.
-My daddy.
-DJ.
-Alora.
-Ashley.

Day Seven: Four turn offs.
-Being ugly. (You know that's a turn off for you, too. Don't even act like it's not.)
-Poor hygiene.
-Wearing flip-flops.
-Being a murderer.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.
-Beards.
-Being able to make decisions.
-The ability to put up with me and my quirks.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
:) O_o

Day Ten: One confession.
-I mock people's accents a lot, and because of that, I've started to unintentionally say certain words with certain accents. Ex.: "White"="WHYt." "About"="Aboot." "What?"="Que?" Totally serious about that last one.

Stay Gold.

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Q&A Video Is Going Up Tomorrow!

2010-09-30T22:25:00.000-05:00

Leave your questions below! :)

It Would Be Nice To Start Over

2010-09-24T19:49:00.001-05:00

When I was younger, my parents were always around. My dad walked my sister and I to school every morning and was home when we got out. My mom ran a daycare in our living room, so she was always home. My sister and I were blessed, but I don't think either one of us realized it.

When I was 10, my mom, siblings, and I moved to Virginia, while my dad stayed in Jersey. My aunt, uncle, and cousin had just come from Vietnam and my mom wanted to be near them. So near, that they moved in with us. My dad would come down on Friday and leave on Sunday. It was like this for 3 years. 3 years of only seeing my dad on the weekends was hard on me, and I now realize the effect that it had on my younger siblings. My mom worked from 7am until 10pm, and my older sister really didn't give a fuck what was happening in the house. My aunt and uncle were never home, either, so there I was, 10 years old and raising 3 kids. I never saw it as one of those situations where we were on our own, because we had parents, they just weren't around anymore. Being responsible for two 7 year olds and a 4 year old wasn't hard, but it was overwhelming. The weekend were the best part of my life, for a very long time.

When my dad finally moved in with us, things just got worse. He was always angry. Always upset over every little thing. You can blame stress all you'd like, but I don't think that's a valid excuse to be in a piss poor mood all the time. At least 4 times a week, we'd get a long lecture about how shitty we are and how we need to take better care of the house. The house...the one that I did everything I could to keep it in order, while still making sure that the kids were taken care of, fed, and bathed, and still making sure that I didn't fall behind in school? That house? Yep, THAT house.

What didn't help at all was my aunt having a baby...3 months early. That weighed a pound and six ounces when he was born. That needed around the clock care. That I was responsible for. Don't get me wrong, I love that boy more than anything in the world, he just picked a terrible time to be born. We moved here, to Texas, right after he had turned a year old, which was bittersweet. I knew that a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, but I also knew that I wouldn't get to see him grow up and that leaving him, after having been the only maternal figure he'd known, was not good for him.

We moved here and things got even worse. My dad worked from 3am until 11pm. My mom worked from 7am until 11pm. I was a freshman in high school, the last thing I wanted to do was have to be a mother to my brother and sister. Someone had to do it, though, and I knew that my bitch of an older sister was too worried about who she was going to sleep with next to give a damn about the little ones.

I wasn't until about a year ago that I realized that I had raised these little terrors, and I mean that in every sense of the term. Always in trouble at school, always in trouble with the law, always in trouble, period. I suppose, that had I realized that I was the only parental influence in their lives, I would've tried a lot harder to be a good one. Sometimes, I worry about how my kids will turn out, because of how my siblings are. I have no doubt in my mind that I'll be a wonderful mother, it's the role model part that I'm terrified about. I say bad words...a lot. I flip people the bird...a lot. I'm late...a lot. I'm a smartass. I'm a procrastinator. I'm also terrible with children ages 5-10, so that probably won't help much, either.

When my mom is home, she likes to tell me what I do and what I don't do. "You don't spend time with your siblings, you're always in your room, etc." A few things: I spend a lot of time with them. I did her part, now I'm doing mine. I'm hardly in my room anymore. Every time she says things like that, I have to remind her that she's never here. I know it hurts her and that I should feel bad for that, but I don't. She's never here. That's an unfortunate part of our lives, one that I don't see changing anytime soon.

I don't really know what the point of this blog was, but whatever. Thank you for reading it.

Stay Gold.

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I Need Your Help!

2010-09-23T20:41:00.001-05:00

I'm going to do a 50 Things video for my new YouTube channel, but I don't want it to be a normal one. lol Here's what I want to do: I want to have you, my friends, readers, followers, and what have you, to tell me something about me. Or two things. Or five. Or ten. I don't really care. Leave a comment here, @ reply me on Twitter, (use the hashtag #50Things, just so I know,) post it on my wall on Facebook, send me a message somewhere, whatever you want. Just tell me something(s) about me. I mean actual things, too. Not things like "You're funny" or the like. :)

Stay Gold.

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Questions! Answers! Your Mom!

2010-09-19T22:50:00.009-05:00

I meant to post this the other day, but whatever. You're getting it now. Shut up and smile. Before Formspring was cool, I had people send their questions to my e-mail, Facebook, or Twitter. I used Formspring for a while, but I don't anymore. So, I reverted back to my old ways and got a shitload of questions. Here they are.

-Who's this Ross guy?
A handsome Jewish fellow with a crooked nose. I am currently in the process of finding a way to get him pregnant, and he knows this. lol :) Seriously, though. He's a writer/director/actor/former Tonight Show intern/amazingly funny person. You should follow him.

-Favorite make-up palette?
I'm not a fan of palettes. I like single color things.

-What's one thing that you never leave the house without?
Make-up on my face.

-How has your OCD affected your life?
I don't really know how to answer this...

-AIDS?
Negative. (Get it? Negative for AI--never mind.)

-Weirdest place you've ever slept?
I sleep at the harbor a lot. lol At the little amphitheater part. On the stairs. :)

-Why did you get rid of your Formspring?
People couldn't mind their own business, so I minded it for them. Simple as that.

-Favorite YouTube beauty guru person thing?
I like Kandee Johnson. Mostly, I just like hearing her talk. lol

-Favorite YouTuber(s)?
TheRossEverett. (Obviously. lol) BrettTheIntern. TheStation. (That counts.) LisaNova. KassemG. Basically, anyone involved with TheStation is entertaining. lol

-What kind of camera do you use?
Canon PowerShot SD780 IS.

-What editing software do you use?
Paint.NET

-How do you become friends with so many wrestlers?
Um. I don't know?

-How do you become friends with so many YouTubers?
Um. I still don't know?

-Why won't you tell anyone your real name?
Because it's nobody's business.

-Worst bet you ever made?
haha Definitely the one when I said Canada wouldn't win the gold this year. Oh, well. lol

-Why don't you have a job?
Evidently, I have "DO NOT HIRE" stamped across my forehead.

-Regret any relationships?
Absolutely not.

-Ever have a crush on a teacher?
Lots. One of which may or may not have turned into something illegal. Wait...what?

-Favorite designer?
Christian Siriano.

-How does your family deal with your OCD/anxiety?
They don't. They refuse to understand it, so they make fun of it or ignore it.

-Has your OCD affected any relationships you've had?
Not really, no.

-Do you collect anything?
Things with Lucille Ball or Marilyn Monroe on them. lol

-If you could give the world one piece of advice, what would it be?
Remember all of your journeys and their faces.

-If you could have a room full of any one thing, what would it be?
Oxygen. :D

-If you could only see black and white except for one color, what color would you choose to see?
Purple.

-If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My weight.

-If you could choose one of your personality traits to pass on to your children, what would it be?
My humor. It's an odd variety. lol

-What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?
I don't even know.

-Would you rather teach a young child to read or have to learn again for yourself?
Teach.

-What is the best advice you've ever given and received?
Sometimes, you just need to forget the rules and remember your heart.

-How would you like to die?
I wouldn't...

-What do you value most in life?
Smiles!

-Do believe that people are inherently good or bad?
Why isn't stupid an option? Because that's my choice.

-What is your greatest regret?
I don't have any.

-What do you see as your greatest achievement?
Probably graduating. lol

-How do you deal with someone you don't like?
I don't. I mean, if I HAVE to, then I turn my Helen Keller on.

-What do you feel you are entitled to in life?
Life, liberty, and laughter.

-What's your favourite song?
When The Angels Sing by Social Distortion.

-What are your feelings regarding 'God' and religion?
This falls under the "You Do You" policy. You do whatever you want to. I'm not big on religion or God or any of that stuff.

-How do you personally define "Right" from "Wrong"?
Well, if the price is right, then you fuckin' win. If the price is wrong, you sit down and enjoy the show.

-What's your name?
LuchaDoll.

-Feelings about gay people?
Handle your business. You're gay? Good for you, damnit. <-Sincerity.

-Favorite movie?
American History X, Field of Dreams, Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, The Princess Bride. lol There are a lot!

-Favorite food?
Chicken. lol

-Feelings about Iraq war?
I'm far too ignorant about the subject to even try to answer this question.

-How is/was your relationship with your parents?
They're my friends. That's about it. lol

-How many jobs have you had in the past 10 years?
One.

-Who are you voting for in the next Presidential election and why?
Um, I don't know, because I don't know who's running.

-Do you get drunk or take recreational drugs?
No and no.

-What is the longest love relationship (partner) you have had, and if it has ended, why?
3 years. It ended because it needed to.

-Do you love pets? If so, how many have you owned, and where are they now?
Yes. Too many to count. I don't know.

-Why don't you like blind people?
You've been misinformed. lol I have 2 blind friends. And I love them. :)

-Do you drink your own urine in church?
...I don't go to church.

-Are you my daughter or mother?
Gonna go with neither.

-Would you rather be hypnotized or French?
lol French.

-Are you dying?
Not that I know of.

-Do you buy various athletic trophies and have your name engraved onto them so that when people come over you can throw them away in front of them. Then when they ask what you are doing you can tell them, "Oh, I'm just getting rid of some of these damn trophies, I have no room for any more"?
lol No. Do you do that?

-Have you ever been a man?
I don't think so, no.

-Can I borrow your car and stay at your place until my band makes it?
Negative.

-How'd you get to be so cute?
I was born.

Questions? Send them to me on here, on Facebook, or on Twitter. Links are in the sidebar.

Stay Gold.

Comments have been left open for this post. Feel free to leave a comment, anonymous or otherwise, below.

Laundry

2010-09-16T20:56:00.003-05:00

Yep, this is a blog about laundry. More specifically, how if you touch mine, I will make you regret ever having been born. And the fact that you're my grandmother won't make me feel bad about it, either.

Yesterday, I did some laundry. I put some towels in the dryer at like 3am this morning, and fell asleep before they were dry. I have this thing, part of my OCD, where I will freak the fuck out if you touch my laundry. I don't care that you think you're helping me or whatever. I don't know if it's just me not wanting people touching my things or if doing laundry is just a process that I need to complete, uninterrupted by bitches who piss me off.

This mor--err, afternoon, when I woke up, I went to get my towels out of they dryer and guess what. They weren't there. They were folding neatly in a basket. Most people would be like "Okay, cool. Thanks, whoever did this." Not me. I had a small anxiety attack. I took the towels and put them back into the washing machine, so I could wash them again and do everything myself. As I'm putting them in there, my grandmother, who I'm sure folded them, walked in and stood behind me, saying that she was just trying to help and that she needed to wash her blanket, so she just took care of the towels for me. Bitch...don't even. I just kept doing what I was doing and once the towels were back in the washing machine, I went about my day, expecting them to still be there, for me to put in the dryer, when I got home. I told my grandmother not to touch them and that I'd do it all when I got home. I come home and what do I hear? The dryer. Oh, hell no. After SPECIFICALLY telling that woman NOT TO TOUCH MY SHIT, what did she do? She touched my shit.

Two anxiety attacks in one day? A very rare happening for me, especially when they're over the same thing. I opened the door to my grandmother's room and I fucking lost my damn mind. I get mad at her a lot, but I never yell at her or say the things that I said to her. She needs to be in a home, and not mine. I took the towels, once again, and put them back into the washing machine, once again, and told her, once again, not to touch my damn laundry. The second anxiety attack was a bit ridiculous. I haven't had one that bad in a very long time. I promise you, that if she does it again, shit's gonna go down.

I'm sure that my mom is hearing about it all right now, too. That's what my grandmother does, she tells my mom every little thing that everyone in this house does. Even my mom is sick of it, but, instead of leaving my grandmother in the mental institution, where she needs to be, she lets her stay here and piss everyone off.

Stay Gold.

Any feedback about this post can be sent to letitgo315@yahoo.com using the subject line "Laundry."

Here, take it all!

2010-09-12T00:57:00.016-05:00

Wrestling Autographs

$9-Tomko 8x10
$12-Kurt Angle 8x10
$10-Samoa Joe 8x10 (w/COA)
$10-AJ Styles 8x10 (w/COA)
$10-Christopher Daniels 8x10 (w/COA)
$15-Eric Young (Long Sleeve TNA Shirt)

[Or buy all seven items for $50 even.]

$7-CM Punk 3x5
$4-Bryan Danielson/Daniel Bryan & D'Lo Brown (ROH Supercard of Honor IV Ticket)
$4-Bryan Danielson/Daniel Bryan, D'Lo Brown, and El Generico (ROH Supercard of Honor IV Ticket)
$4-Konnan, Shark Boy, and Sonjay Dutt (TNA Ticket)
$4-Sara Del Rey 3x5

[Or buy all five items for $15 even.]

Stuff

$5-RF Video's Shoot Interview with Homicide
$5 -WWE SummerSlam 2000 VHS tape
$5 for one, $8 for two-SHIMMER Roster Album (I have 2 copies.)

[Or all four items for $15 even.]

[ALL FIFTEEN ITEMS ARE AVAILABLE TOGETHER, FOR ONLY $75!]

If you're interested in any of the listed items, you can leave a comment below, message me on Facebook, or @[reply]/direct message me on Twitter.

Payment method: Money orders only!

Currently only shipping within the U.S.

Stay Gold.

Comments have been left open for this post. Feel free to leave a comment, anonymous or otherwise, below.

10 Things + 60 Questions

2010-08-29T23:21:00.008-05:00

Super tired/having writer's block, so this is all that you get today.

1- I hate calendars and planners. I write everything on Post-It notes and put them on my wall/in my purse/wherever I need them.

2- I always use an ACE bandage and a heating pad when I use IcyHot, even though it specifically says, "Do not bandage tightly or use with a heating pad."

3- I stutter when I talk on the phone, which is why I avoid talking on the phone. I stuttered for the first time while not on the phone today. I was certainly not entertained.

4- All of my electronic devices are named Franklin. They used to be Franklin Thunderphart I, II, III, etc., but then they just all became Franklin.

5- I hate crushed ice.

6- I don't think it's okay for people to refer to themselves as The [Insert their name here], unless it's The Ross Everett or TheBDonski, even though Ben doesn't really count.

7- I get far too excited whenever I hear Mike Posner singing. I don't know why, though.

8- I buy shoes. I wear them. I return them. I buy another pair of the exact same shoes. I wear them. I return them. I buy ano--Again, I don't know why.

9- I spend way too much time on The Frisky.

10- I freak out when people touch my stuff. Not like an "OMG, could you not do that?" freak out, either. Like a "Pardon me while I have an anxiety attack." freak out.

______________________________________________________

Zero - Who was your last text from?
Cecilia.

One - Where was your default pic taken?
My bed! haha

Two - When will your next kiss be?
I don't know. Probably whenever I decide to drag my fat ass to NC. :)

Three - Have you ever lost a close friend?
Not like, they've died, but I've stopped being friends with a few close friends.

Four - What is your current mood?
I'm rather impatient today.

Five - What's your brother(s) names?
Mexican! If Rob and Wes count, then them, too. lol

Six - Where do you wish you were right now?
Sleeping on the couch. I love my couch.

Seven - Do you have a crazy side?
That's about my only side.

Eight - Ever had a near death experience?
Probably, but that would definitely be a memory I'd choose not to maintain.

Nine - Something you do a lot?
Breathe.

Ten - Angry at anyone?
Nope.

Eleven - What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
Um. Nothing. :)

No Twelve?!

Thirteen - Is there anyone you would do anything for?
Yep.

Fourteen - What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
A lot of things.

Seventeen- Who was the last person you called on the phone?
My dad.

Eighteen- What is your favorite song?
When The Angels Sing by Social Distortion.

Nineteen- What are you doing right now?
This. Duh!

Twenty- Who do you trust right now?
Those deserving.

Twenty one - What was your last dream about?
I don't even know.

Twenty five- What are you thinking of right now?
My education...or the lack thereof. Thanks, America!

Twenty six- What should you be doing right now?
Sleeping.

Twenty seven- What are you listening to?
Bruno Mars!

Twenty nine- Who was the last person who yelled at you?
My brother, but we were just kidding around. lol

Thirty - Do you act differently around the person you like?
Nope. :)

Thirty one - What is your natural hair color?
Turd brown.

Thirty two - Who was the last person to make you laugh?
My dad. lol

Thirty three - Who was the last person to make you sad?
...my dad.

Thirty five- Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
Used to be super curly, but I've damaged it to the point where it's got this funky wave thing going on.

Thirty six - Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
No, but @Evil__Empire called me "delicious cakes" once. lol

Thirty eight - Gone skinny dipping this summer?
Nope.

Thirty nine - Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
Yep!

Forty - Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
All the time. lol

Forty one - Are you happy with life right now?
Getting there! :)

Forty two - Are you currently jealous?
Nope.

Forty four - What are you doing Sunday night?
You mean tonight? Didn't we cover this already?

Forty five - Have you ever had your heart broken?
Once or twice.

Forty six - Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I don't think so.

Forty seven - Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Nope.

Forty Eight - What are you looking forward to?
Hopefully going to Charlotte soon.

Forty nine - How late did you stay up last night and why?
5am. Mostly just because.

Fifty - Does anyone like you right now?
I'd hope so. lol

Fifty One - What is something that makes you mad?
People being rude.

Fifty Two -Do you wish anyone in particular was still in your life?
Just one person.

Fifty Three - Do you have plans for this weekend?
Going to the casino!

Fifty Four - What's your relationship status?
Happily in one. :)

Fifty Five - Is there anyone in the room with you?
Not that I know of.

Fifty Six - Does anyone hate you?
Most likely.

Fifty Seven - Do you think relationships are even worth it?
I'm in the process finding out. I'll let you know.

Fifty Eight - What are you going to do tonight?
Hopefully sleep.

Fifty Nine - Do you ever wonder if the person standing next to you is a virgin or not?No. WTF.

Sixty - Where do you go for advice the most?
My heart. If I had to pick a person, then that'd be my dad. :)

Stay Gold.

Any feedback about this post can be sent to letitgo315@yahoo.com using the subject line "10 Things + 60 Questions."

When To Let Go And When To Hold On

2010-08-27T23:43:00.004-05:00

This is going to be a strange blog, I’m sure. Letting go. Easy enough, right? Wrong. I’ve always had a problem with keeping things around - things that I no longer need. Sometimes, those things are people. I know I recently talked about ridding my life of those people, but there are a few people that I don’t know how to let go of. Someone who I thought to be my best friend has moved on, so why can’t I? Why can’t I just do what she did? She’s on to bigger and better things, and I’m stuck on what used to be. This would be the time to let go.

I think there is a very small, but significant, difference between devastation and heartbreak. I recently experienced the latter. I found some things out about a certain person, who I trusted and who I thought valued me as a person, that made me realize I couldn’t have been more wrong... This, too, would be the time to let go.

One thing that I’ll always believe in is this: There are very few people in my life who deserve a second chance. When it comes down to it, those are the people who will be there for me, no matter what. My friend Cortney, or Jane, as some of you may know her, and I had quite the falling-out a little over a year ago. It was weird not having her around for a couple of months, but when she came to me and apologized for whatever it was that had ended our friendship, I was so thankful. I was thankful because, deep down inside, I knew that she was one of those people. I knew that she and I were going to be friends for a very long time. I knew that I needed her in my life. As little as we see each other, those are times that I hold near and dear. This is the time to hold on.

I recently deleted my personal Facebook account. I had been questioning my decision to even have one for quite some time. When I made it, I was thinking that I’d be able to connect with my friends from school, especially the friends that I had moved away from. Friends. That’s a funny word for me now. I had about 600 friends on that account. People that I had known throughout school. People that I thought were my friends. Granted, there were a few who I know were/are my friends, but for the most part, nobody on there’s going to miss me. This would be the time to say “Fuck you, go die.”

Something that you may or may not know about me is that I was the shy, quiet kid in school. I mean, I knew everyone, but to them, I didn’t matter. I didn’t count. I got lucky, though, with the friends that I did have. During high school, anyway. You see, it doesn’t matter who you are or what you look like. If you’re friends with the football team, you’re treated like fucking royalty around here. I was hot shit. But only for the purpose of giving people the grounds to say that they knew me, therefore being guarded by the unspoken You Don’t Fuck With The Football Players’ Friends Policy. So, after school had ended, they didn’t need me anymore. They were all on to bigger and (supposedly) better things. Yet another time to let go.

You may have read about my discontentment with my sister. She called me the other day and said “Hey, I’m in the ER.” This would be the point when most people flip their fucking shit. To be honest, I would’ve acted more compassionately to a stranger calling me and telling me that. I didn’t care. I didn’t ask why. Sure, it makes me look like a bitch, amongst other horrible things, but that’s okay. I don’t get why she thinks she can just call me and tell me that, and expect me to care or fell sorry for her. She was in the ER, so what? She’s a piece of shit, as far as I’m concerned, and until she realizes that, she could die and I probably wouldn’t feel anything. I hate her THAT much. This is the time to say “Get your big head out of your fat ass and get a kung-fu grip on reality.”

I know this was kind of all over the place, because I wrote it over a few days, so forgive me if none of this really makes sense. And I mean that, because, after reading it back to myself, even I’m confused. Oh, and pardon any grammatical errors. I'm too tired to edit. :)

Stay Gold.

Any feedback about this post can be sent to letitgo315@yahoo.com using the subject line "When To Let Go And When To Hold On."

A Few Things

2010-08-19T18:23:00.025-05:00

I've had a lot on my mind recently, and I thought to myself "Doll, you have a blog. Blogs are where people share their thoughts." So this? This is that.

Friends:
-I've been losing friends like it's nobody's business lately. I don't know what I've done to any of them, but quite a few people have decided that they don't like me anymore. Ok, cool. Whatever, right? Wrong. You can't be friends with someone for a long time, then suddenly stop, with no explanation. I HATE people that do this. HATE HATE HATE. Hate. I don't get it. I mean, if I've done something wrong, let me know. If you just don't want to be my friend anymore, let me know. If you're mad because I ate your chicken nuggets that one time in 7th grade and you hate me now, cool. Let me know. Don't just stop talking to me and pretend that we were never friends, k? It's really shitty of you and to be honest, if I had known that you were that kind of person, I never would've been your friend to begin with.

-I've never been a greedy person, especially with my money. I've never been stingy with money, either. Ask any of my friends, they'll tell you. If I want to go out with a friend, but they're low on cash, it's fine. I'll cover it. I've never said "Fine, but you have to pay me back." I don't give a damn. All through school, I would give people money to get an extra snack at lunch or whatever. This has never been something that bothers me. You need money, I have money. However, what DOES bother me is when you don't say thank you. I value our friendship and our time together enough to help you out when you need helping out, but if you can't be bothered to utter the words "thank you," (which are 100%, absolutely, completely FREE to say) then don't expect my helping hands (and pocketbook) to be there for you next time.

-You like wrestling? Awesome. You're a middle-aged man who likes wrestling and who's sick of your fat wife/girlfriend, so you want to hit on me? Not awesome. Not awesome at all. You're the kind of person that I like to call a creeper. Your conversation initiator usually goes something like this: "Wow! You're hot AND you like wrestling? You're the perfect woman!" (I know that a lot of my fellow wrestling fans of the female variety know this line all too well.) This may be a conversation initiator for you, sir, but for me, that's a relationship terminator. Any chance that you may have had at being on good terms with me is over, as in done, as in never going to happen, as in those three sentences that you so stupidly spewed at me counted as your three strikes, and buddy, you're out.

Tips:
-Most restaurants have some sort of happy hour type thing. This is the best time to try something new. Say you're at Sonic and you see a new drink that you'd like to try, but it's kind of pricey and you're not sure if you'll even like it. Sonic has happy hour everyday from 2pm until 4pm, during which you can get that drink you want, at half-price. ("Includes Soft Drinks, Iced Teas, Slushes, [excluding CreamSlush® Treats] and Limeades only. Flavors and fruit may cost extra. Combos and Wacky Pack® Meals excluded," as per the Sonic website.)

-Wearing eyeliner during the summertime is never a good idea. Instead, use eyeshadow in whatever shade your eyeliner is and apply it with a flat, angled brush. Using eyeshadow as eyeliner is probably the best trick I discovered this year. Sure, it may fade, but re-applying it once a day sure beats the hell out of having eyeliner all over your face.

-Don't watch If You Really Knew Me. Yes, I know I wrote a blog using that format, but ignore that for right now. I watch it because it's become a tradition for me to watch the shittiest reality shows on television. Every week, there's someone on there who's a walking contradiction, more so than your average high school student. This may be why they're a spotlighted participant, but it aggravates me to sit there and watch a pregnant 15 year old girl say that she doesn't understand why people call her a slut. Child, look at yourself. Being 15 and pregnant isn't going to help you try to convince people that you're not what they say you are. Don't watch this show. You will get so pissed at the things that those kids say, you'll probably want to punch your television, and we don't want that, do we?

Life:
-I've made mistakes. I'll make more, I'm sure of it. I've done things to and for people that I really wish I would've thought twice about. There are some people that I wish I had judged more accurately the first time around, instead of learning the hard way who they really are. I try not to live in the past, but sometimes, it's difficult for me not to think about how things would be different, had I not done this, or had I not done that. I'm currently in the process of ridding my life of those who bring me down or could bring me down in the future and I'm burning bridges that I don't want to, but need to.

-My older sister has become the focus of a lot of my hate lately. I never thought the day would come when I hate, and I mean that word in the most hostile way possible, my best friend. She and her fiancé were planning their wedding for April of next year. She asked me to be her maid of honor. We went dress shopping and all that good stuff. They put deposits down on the venue and all of things that come along with it. Instead of asking our little sister to be a bridesmaid, she asked this girl we went to high school with. This girl, who had accused her of trying to sleep with her (the girl's) boyfriend. When I asked her why she didn't ask our little sister, she said "She's too tall." Granted, little sister isn't so little. She's 12 years old and she's already 5'9", but what kind of reasoning is that? She can't help that she's tall. (She has to be tall, have you seen the size of her head? That thing's huge. She needs to grow into it. Okay...that was kind of mean of me, but seriously, her head is huge.) So, that had pissed me off enough. I don't want for my little sister to feel left out, especially during something like this. Then, they decided that they were going to Hawaii in December to get married. Why? Get ready for another one of my sister's atrocious reasons. Because mom and dad said they wouldn't help with the wedding costs, that's why. Never, ever, EVER have my parents said they would help. They paid $12 for their marriage license, got married in their pastor's backyard, and went to Burger King for their Wedding Day dinner. They've always said that because no one helped with their wedding, they wouldn't help with any of ours'. I'm fine with this. People spend thousands and thousands of dollars on their weddings, then get divorced before too long. My parents have been married for 21 years, and trust me, there are so many more to come. $12 and 21+ years sounds like the better deal. So, anyway, my sister's mad because our parents won't help, even though we've known for years that they wouldn't. She called our mom and told her that they were getting married in Hawaii, that we could come if we could afford it, and that if we couldn't, we'd be caring for their dog while they were away. In one phone call, she managed to break my mother's heart, remind her that we couldn't afford to be there, and tell her that we'll have to put up with her untrained dog for 2 weeks. I don't understand how you can do something like that to your own mother. You're her first child, not to mention the first to get married, divorced, and engaged to someone else within 4 months. (High five for being a smartass?) Seriously, though. If she gets married in December, that'll be her 2nd marriage this year. She thinks that it's okay to just go and get married, and not even have her family there. I don't understand it at all. I've never looked at her and said "I want to be like her someday." At the same time, I've never looked at her and said "I don't ever want to be anything like her." Until all of this happened. Now, I can't stand her. Yeah, she's my sister, and I SHOULD like her, but I don't. I hate her, and if she does go to Hawaii and have the wedding, then I'll hate her even more. I don't want to be like her. I watch her bring all these guys home once, then we never see them again. I hear her tell everyone how much she just loves every guy that she brings home. I also see how much it bothers our younger siblings. I've never brought a guy home, because I'm terrified that if I do, my little brother and little sister will hate me like they hate her. They pretend that she doesn't even exist anymore. They don't talk about her, they don't ask about her, they don't care about her. Who can blame them? She's brought someone different home for everything: our birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. and it ruins our day, then we never see those guys again. It's a never-ending cycle with her. I know that she and her current flame aren't going to last, and I think she knows, too, which is probably why she moved the wedding up to December.

-I start college on Monday. Well, my online class is on Monday. I don't have to actually go to a class until Tuesday. Those of you know have known me for a while, know how much of a struggle that Tuesday will be. New people, new places? No, thanks. I know that I'm not going to be able sleep Monday night. I'll probably have an anxiety attack on Tuesday. I'm not good with people that I know, much less strangers. I'm going to try, though. This is my fresh start. This is the one chance that I get to make a first impression on these people. This is my chance to be something other than the pretty girl who's too socially handicapped to even speak to someone. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Any advice on how to not suck at conversing, making new friends/meeting new people, or any other potentially terrifying situations that I may encounter is greatly appreciated.

Stay Gold.

Comments have been left open for this post. Feel free to leave a comment, anonymous or otherwise, below.

Umm. Okay.

2010-08-17T23:47:00.001-05:00

I RARELY ask my parents for money. And by "RARELY," I mean MAYBE once a month, and it's never for more than $30. Granted, they make my car payment, but hey, they did that to themselves. So, tonight, when I asked my mom if I could borrow $500, I was expecting a few questions and an actual conversation, but instead, I got the usual You're-lazy-and-don't-give-a-damn speech...with an added bonus! Here is what she said, paraphrased and summarized, of course, because there was soooo much said:

"Can I borrow some money?" (This is where I messed up. I should've started by telling her that I got my old job back. But anyway.) "Ha. That'll happen." <-Note: Sarcasm. "Please?" This is where she'd usually say yes and ask how much, by the way. "No. I'm sick of supporting you. You're 18. Get a fucking job. Stand on your own two feet. I'm not taking care of anyone anymore."

This coming from the woman who still supports her 45 year old sister, who she claims to dislike, & her family and my older sister, who is almost 21, has a job, has a fiance & a place to live, and only has two bills to pay. Mind you, my mom says that she's "sick of supporting people" and that she's "not doing it anymore" at least twice a week. Between my brother's and my sister's sports and other activities, my parents spend about a grand a month on each of them. All they do for me is pay my car payment and insurance, which totals $350. My older sister has spending problems. I used to say "Kristina, you don't need that. Oh, put that back. What are you gonna do with it?" Then, I stopped caring. She can spend whatever the hell she likes, and I'll be damned if my mom doesn't help her out of debt every single time. My dad has a Mustang sitting in the garage, that he's fixing up. Where do you think the money for that comes from? Mom. He spends upwards of a grand a week on that car. Then came the added bonus!

She says, "And I'm gonna tell you something. Are you ready for this one?" I was already extremely annoyed at this point. "Yeah, why not?!" "I have cancer." I don't know why the fuck she decided to bring this up during an argument, but she did. She really did. So, I did that thing, where you look at someone who's not making sense and you kinda stare for a second, then you tilt your head a little, with a confused look on your face. Then I left.

I guess my point is this: From her, $500 isn't much to ask for, especially since I don't really ask for much. Why she went into instant bitch mode and started talking about cancer, I don't know. That was pretty much all I wanted to share with you. Oh, and I am determined, so I will be asking my dad tomorrow. Just so you know.

Stay Gold.

Any feedback about this post can be sent to letitgo315@yahoo.com using the subject line "Umm. Okay."

STUFF FOR SALE!

2010-08-14T19:51:00.004-05:00

I need money. Other people have money. I have things that they can have for money. Here's a list of those things:

Wrestling Autographs
[Add $4.95 to the following items, for Shipping & Handling.]
$30-Randy Orton 8x10 (w/COA)
$15-Tomko 8x10
$25-Kurt Angle 8x10
$20-Samoa Joe 8x10 (w/COA)
$20-AJ Styles 8x10 (w/COA)
$20-Chris Daniels 8x10 (w/COA)
$20-Eric Young (Long Sleeve TNA Shirt)
$50-Yuji Nagata (On embossed NJPW cardstock.)

[Shipping & Handling on the following items are free.]
$10-CM Punk 3x5
$20-Bryan Danielson/Daniel Bryan & D'Lo Brown (ROH Supercard of Honor IV Ticket)
$25-Bryan Danielson/Daniel Bryan, D'Lo Brown, and El Generico (ROH Supercard of Honor IV Ticket)
$10-Konnan, Shark Boy, and Sonjay Dutt (TNA Ticket)

Other Wrestling Stuff
$40 [S&H will be calculated specifically for the buyer.]-TNA Slammiversary 2007 plaque (Autographed by Frank Wycheck)
$35 [S&H will be calculated specifically for the buyer.]-NJPW Wrestle Kingdom II program
$10 [+$4.95 for S&H]-WWE SummerSlam 2000 VHS tape

If you're interested in any of the listed items, you can leave a comment below, message me here, or email me at letitgo315@yahoo.com and let me know. Prices are negotiable and I am willing to trade for any printed or recorded material, if you have some cool shit. XD

I'll be adding more things (books, clothes, shoes, etc.) soon. :)

Stay Gold.

If You Really Knew Me, You Would Know...

2010-08-11T22:54:00.001-05:00

Jacie did this yesterday, and I really liked the idea of it, so here's mine. :)

If you really knew me, you would know...

-...that my OCD prevents me from doing a lot of things that I'd like to do and that I spend at least 4 hours a day doing my compulsions.

-...that my parents have no idea that I've been diagnosed with OCD.

-...that I am absolutely terrified and unsure of my future.

-...how little confidence I have, as unlikely as that may seem.

-...that I tell my female friends that they're beautiful, every chance I get, because I never had anyone do that for me when I was growing up.

-...that I think that last one is why I turn to older men for some sort of odd, cold comfort.

-...that I am probably the most conversationally inept person that you will ever know.

-...that I was the strange loner all throughout high school, but the friends that I did have just happened to be the most popular kids around...

This is where you would normally find me directing you to send feedback to my e-mail. Not this time. Any and all feedback is to be left in the comments, and there is an anonymous option available for anyone who would like to use it. One thing I do ask is that if you leave a comment, anonymous or not, please leave a thing or two about yourself, using the prompt: "If you really knew me, you would know..."

LuchaDoll Let The Dogs Out.

2010-08-05T14:12:00.002-05:00

My dear Sunny shared this link with me and I thought it was hilarious, so I thought I'd share it with you and also share some of the facts that it generated about me. :)

LuchaDoll doesn't believe in Germany.

LuchaDoll doesn't see dead people. She makes people dead.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals LuchaDoll allows to live.

LuchaDoll got her drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at LuchaDoll dies.

LuchaDoll doesn't chew gum. LuchaDoll chews tin foil.

People created the automobile to escape from LuchaDoll...Not to be outdone, LuchaDoll created the automobile accident.

When God said, "Let there be light", LuchaDoll said, "Say please."

There are no such things as tornados. LuchaDoll just hates trailer parks.

What was going through the minds of all of LuchaDoll's victims before they died? Her shoe.

There is no such thing as global warming. LuchaDoll was cold, so she turned the sun up.

LuchaDoll does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. LuchaDoll goes killing.

LuchaDoll always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

All right, I'm done. lol

Any feedback about this post can be sent to letitgo315@yahoo.com using the subject line "LuchaDoll Let The Dogs Out."

30 Letters in 30 Days

2010-07-16T15:17:00.000-05:00

[I'm going to be hand writing, then scanning my letters into this entry. Clicking on the picture will make it bigger and more readable. :)]

30 Letters, 30 days. You can either send it to them (anonymously or with your name) or keep them to yourself. On this day you write a letter to:

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 —Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Stay Gold.

Comments have been left open for this post. Feel free to leave a comment, anonymous or otherwise, below.

From The Beginning...

2010-06-13T21:40:00.006-05:00

Emy & I. December, 2009

Holyfuckingshit. Today was the perfect definition of a rollercoaster. I went from helping my sister find the perfect wedding dress to saying goodbye to the best friend I've ever had.

My sister looked absolutely gorgeous in her wedding dress, a custom Oleg Cassini gown with all the bells and whistles. I felt like a pig in my pink bridesmaid dress, but whatever. It's all for her, so I do it. Somewhere between leaving the house and arriving at Genghis Grill, where we went for lunch, I missed a call from my mom's cell. And there was a voicemail, which my mom NEVER leaves. So, I play the message. It's from Emy, asking me if I can help her and her mom move today. I brushed it off, because I didn't want to ruin my sister's day. 6pm rolls around and I finally get a chance to return Emy's call. I ask her if they need any further help, she says no. Then she say that she's leaving for Belize on Tuesday. I suppose we should rewind a bit?

Almost 2 years ago, I started my last year of high school. I still only had lessthanahandful of friends, so, being the first day of senior year, I wanted to see them. I walked up to Elizabeth and Jessica, who were standing with this girl named Emelda. Little did I know that I would quickly become friends with this wild-haired fast-talking girl. When I graduated, Emy still had another year of high school, so we would hang out whenever we got the chance. Her birthday rolled around in October and Elizabeth and I had planned a surprise party for Emy, but since she's out of the loop as far as technology (i.e. cell phones) goes, she didn't get the memo. Ever heard of someone no-showing their own surprise party? lol Me neither! XD Anyway, we started hanging out almost every weekend, more often than not, it was just the two of us. It was during our little outings that I realized that she = me and let me tell ya, it is SO nice being best friends with an otherwise embodied version of yourself. The only difference was that her family was falling apart. Her mom had planned to leave her dad for a long time. Today, she decided to actually do it. They moved to a battered women's shelter. Emy had to go back to her house to get her car, so she stopped by my house to say goodbye. She was telling me about this place, and I couldn't help but feel incredibly bad for her. Then she tells me that she called me yesterday morning to see if I would like to accompany her on a road trip. Yet another phone call that I had ignored. If I would've answered the phone, my best friend wouldn't be leaving for another country right now.

I've lived so many places, met so many people, but I've never had a best friend. Until I met Emy, that is. I finally find a friend and now she's leaving, and I'm not entirely sure that I'll ever see her again. I love that girl and I hope she knows that.

Stay Gold.

Any feedback about this post can be sent to letitgo315@yahoo.com using the subject line "From The Beginning..."

10 Things!

2010-05-17T00:39:00.003-05:00

Tag 5 friends. Now, I want you to confess 10 things. "My name is (insert your name here) and I ___."

*SPOILER! My real name is kindasortamaybeaccidentallypossibly mentioned in this little thing, so if you don’t want to know it, then find a way not to read number ten. kbai*

ONE) My name is LuchaDoll and I didn't know who The Beatles were until I was 14.

TWO) My name is LuchaDoll and I hate doing these things, because I suddenly forget everything about myself when I do.

THREE) My name is LuchaDoll and I love words.

FOUR) My name is LuchaDoll and I have nystagmus.

FIVE) My name is LuchaDoll and I despise shopping with other people.

SIX) My name is LuchaDoll and I am super shy, if you can believe it.

SEVEN) My name is LuchaDoll and I have never gotten an actually paycheck, only cash. Stripper status!

EIGHT) My name is LuchaDoll and I would be completely okay with eating nothing but carrots and Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing for the rest of my life.

NINE) My name is LuchaDoll and I have lived in the south for most of my life, however, I don't have a Southern accent.

TEN) My name is Elle and I am LuchaDoll.

P.S. - In the instructions, the first thing I thought was "My name is (insert your name here) and I shoot blanks." Made me wonder if females were even allowed to do this. haha XD Also, I can’t tag 5 friends, because...well, because this isn’t Facebook. lol

Stay Gold.

Any feedback about this post can be sent to letitgo315@yahoo.com using the subject line "10 Things!"

TOP 20 QUOTES FOR 2009

2010-01-02T20:47:00.004-06:00

ONE - "Cheer up. Life sucks, we're all going to die, embrace it!" -Mary Shannon

TWO - "Larry King's been on TV since TV was on the radio." -Unknown

THREE - "I think she's funny. But more in a laughing-at-her kind of way." - Marshall Marshall

FOUR - "The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me." -Columbus

FIVE - "What's so glamorous about sticking your weenie in a poophole?" - This girl I know

SIX - "I don't lose things. I place things in locations which later elude me." -Shawn Spencer

SEVEN - "She thinks she's people" - Big Daddy Donnie

EIGHT - "Hello? Hello. Hello, thank you for joining us here on CBC Radio 1. Hello, it has been a wonderful evening and I hope you've enjoyed the jazzy tunes of Filthy McButtNut and the Orchestra of Hooligans." - Notorious T.I.D.

NINE - "I'm not a donut. You treat me like a human being!!" - SwiftKarateChop

TEN - "I don't know what this is gonna do, so I'd suggest taking a step back." -My Dad

ELEVEN - "Take a breath. Have a keyboard." -Tony DiNozzo

TWELVE - "You're white. You don't get to dunk." -Daniel Tosh

THIRTEEN - "Only she didn't just feel it. She grabbed the thing in a very violent fashion. It did not feel good." -Random Guy on a Message Board

FOURTEEN - "You should come here and do that to my head." -Ashley Dolan

FIFTEEN - "You married a guy with a mullet, I don't know what that says about you, but it's nothing good." -Me to my mom

SIXTEEN - "Bitch! I will cut you!" -Alli's Mom

SEVENTEEN - "CRIPPLES DON'T JUMP!" -Alora

EIGHTEEN - "People don't just do that. Especially fat lawyers." -Andy Bell

NINETEEN - "Besides hip-hop, I'd say my favorite genre of music right now is Free Credit Report." -Colt Cabana

TWENTY - "Quiet on set!" -Shaycarl & BabyTard

Any feedback about this post can be sent to letitgo315@yahoo.com using the subject line "Top 20 Quotes For 2009."

Miranda Adria Art Feature

2010-01-01T20:53:00.000-06:00

I don't really know how to start this, so I'll just go with it, I guess....I knew I wanted to do an art feature of some sort, but I wasn't sure how to pick the best of the best, so when I heard this artist was doing a series like this, I just knew this was going to be my first feature. As the photographs were posted online, I fell in love with this artist over and over again.

The following 12 photographs are by, from, and of the amazing Miranda Adria. All of these photos are inspired by Lady Gaga songs and were part of a series Miranda submitted to her dA page. I've been a fan of Miranda's ever since I saw a photograph of hers in the "recently submitted" section on deviantART and I have been keeping up with her work since then. She is an amazing photographer and artist. At the end of the post, you will find links to her webpages, as well as links to each of the photographs, where you can view them in detail and leave feedback for Miranda, if you'd like.

|Alejandro by Miranda Adria|
I think her empty expression really brings so much to this piece and the make-up and costume were done wonderfully.

|Bad Romance by Miranda Adria|
Bad Romance is one of my favorite Gaga songs, and even though this photo is far different than Gaga in the music video, I think this represents the song wonderfully. The colors, the stare, the everything. This is a fantastic piece of work.

|Beautiful Dirty Rich by Miranda Adria|
Gosh, Miranda really has that Gaga feel in this one. The photograph is the title. Beautiful. Dirty. Rich.

|Dance In The Dark by Miranda Adria|
This piece reminds me of a comic book villain, and not to mention, Miranda's got great bone structure, which is really brought out here.

|Disco Heaven by Miranda Adria|
This piece really does remind me of a disco. The colors, the make-up, it's all spectacular.

|Just Dance by Miranda Adria|
This was the first photo in the Gaga series and is what really drew me toward using this series in my feature. I absolutely love it.

|Love Game by Miranda Adria|
If there is any part of you that doesn't love this piece of work, then you probably wouldn't know art if it were the only thing on Earth. This is probably my favorite photo from the series and one of my favorite works by Miranda. It's just outstanding.

|Money Honey by Miranda Adria|
This piece is different from the rest to me, simply because it's done with a color that isn't in the other pieces, and I love it. The weird shadow thing on her chest/arm is Miranda's watermark, by the way. It's on all of the photos if you look very carefully, but because of the colors, it is more evident in this one.

|Paparazzi by Miranda Adria|
Ok, who looked at this and didn't immediately think "cotton candy?" Pink is always fun, but when you throw in Gaga and one of my favorite photographers, my mind is just blown. I love the blue on the lips and the black in the hair, it all makes the entire photo that much better.

|Poker Face by Miranda Adria|
This is another of my favorites from Miranda. Creativity is something that she definitely has and this photo definitely shows that.

|Starstruck by Miranda Adria|
This reminds me of an ice queen, except this is a million times cooler.

|Teeth by Miranda Adria|
This photograph catches my eye for every reason imaginable. So go on, imagine.

Links:
Miranda's deviantART Page
Miranda's Website
Alejandro on deviantART
Bad Romance on deviantART
Beautiful Dirty Rich on deviantART
Dance In The Dark on deviantART
Disco Heaven on deviantART
Just Dance on deviantART
Love Game on deviantART
Money Honey on deviantART
Paparazzi on deviantART
Poker Face on deviantART
Starstruck on deviantART
Teeth on deviantART

ALL IMAGES WERE USED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE AND CONSENT OF THE ARTIST

Any feedback about this post can be sent to letitgo315@yahoo.com using the subject line "Miranda Adria Art Feature."

Uh-May-Zing

2009-12-06T23:23:00.001-06:00

Today was BY FAR one of the most fun days of my entire life. I spent the day with my best friends. It took TONS of planning, but WE DID IT! We get together about once a month and do something fun. Bowling, skating, going to the movies, etc. Today, we went roller-skating and that was an adventure in and of itself. I haven't been on skates in at least 10 years, so I knew I would suck.

At first, we all got quad skates, which are the kind with 2 wheels in front and 2 wheels in back. I couldn't even pretend to skate in those things. lol When I used to skate before, I used inline skates, so I got some of those instead and tried to convince my friends the inline skates were easier. And they were. I put those babies on and I was flying around that rink like it was nothing.

Alora didn't skate. Emelda was really hesitant to, but we got her to do it anyway....and she fell.....a lot. Jessica was holding the rail the entire time, so she wouldn't fall...but she fell anyway. Elizabeth was Emelda's buddy today. She held Emy's hand while she tried to skate, then when Emy fell, Elizabeth went with her, and then a domino effect set in and Alora fell, and so did Jessica....BUT NOT ME! I was smart, you see. I didn't get too close to them because I knew someone was gonna fall and take everyone around them down, too.

So....after skating, we went to the lake and had ice cream! Well....I had a smoothie and Elizabeth didn't have anything, actually. Anyways...Elizabeth left because she had to work. And then Alora went to the restroom.....and didn't lock the door. And then I had one of those "it's happening at normal speed, but it really seems like slow motion" moments when a lady started walking toward the bathroom door and as soon as she pushed the door open, I thought "Maybe I should tell her Alora's in there..." But I was too late. She pushed the door open and all we heard was Alora go "AHHH!!!" And then everyone in the place busted out laughing. It was beyond hilarious.

We were enjoying our tasty treats and decided we'd go to Cotton Patch [where Elizabeth works] and get something to eat. On the way there, we all decided that we would torture poor Elizabeth by being terrible customers. And we did. And it was funny. The food wasn't too good, but we sure had a good time. Then we all bid farewell to one another and went our separate ways.

Most of today was spent laughing and smiling like friends should do, none of that arguing shit or anyone being mean to someone or everyone picking on someone. It was amazing. And I'm glad we've made this a monthly thing, because without these girls, I'd probably go crazy. I know a lot of people and I hang out with a lot of people, but it's days like this when you realize who your true friends are and how much you should cherish every moment with them. <3

Stay Gold,
LuchaDoll

Your Questions.....ANSWERED

2009-12-03T23:30:00.000-06:00

For some reason, I get a lot of messages on MySpace, Facebook, LiveJournal, and whatever other websites I'm on, asking me questions, telling me stories, and a bunch of other things. So, I thought I'd share some of my favorites with you.

-You're so pretty! Have you ever thought about modeling? I'm a photographer and would LOVE to photograph you.
-I've modeled before. I hate it. I'm way more comfortable behind the camera. I'm capable of photographing myself and I'd rather struggle to do that than have someone else do it.

-I used to think that all redneck girls were ugly, had missing teeth, wore overalls, rode horses and milked cows, but then I saw you. And I realized that some redneck girls are rude, screw every guy they can get their hands on, wear slutty clothes, and are gold diggers.
-Thanks! I know I'm rude, I'm like that because I want to be. I don't screw every guy I can get my hands on. The slutty clothes are just decoration. And I'm not a gold digger, I'm a spoiled brat. There's a difference, dickwad. Get your shit straight before you come at me.

-Eye mull of mush sheen.
-Wicked! I used to have that game, but I lost all the cards for it, so I couldn't play it anymore. lol

-Order these guys from hottest to nottest: Daniel Tosh, Thomas Gibson, Dominic Purcell, Jon Gosselin, Jason Kennedy, Charles Trippy, Philip DeFranco, James Roday, Matt Bomer, Hugh Laurie. And give reasons for their rankings.
-Hottest to nottest! Ha! Nottest. I love it! Ok, ummmm......I think I can do this:
-Charles Trippy. Because he's just so darn cute!
-Matt Bomer. Those eyes are to die for! Only reason he's not #1 is because I haven't seen him topless. :-)
-James Roday. He's cute, but he ain't all that.
-Thomas Gibson. He's got that ''I'm an asshole, but I'll wine and dine you'' look.
-Dominic Purcell. He's fine, but those ears!!
-Philly D. Dimples make me happy.
-Daniel Tosh. Something about that guy just makes me dislike him.
-Jason Kennedy. Kid needs a cheeseburger!
-Hugh Laurie. It's between Hugh Laurie and Jon Gosselin. And I'm not stupid.
-Jon Gosselin. Just EW!

-Who are your favorite porn stars? Guys and girls.
-Guys: Julian Rios. That's about it. No one else comes close to him, in my opinion.
-Girls: Belladonna, Stoya, Cytherea, Memphis Monroe, Sasha Grey, Penny Flame, Avy Lee Roth, Lola.

-We were driving and we rolled by a homeless dude with a sign that said ''HUNGRY'' and I stuck my head out the window, yelled ''Me, too!!'', and I thought of you.
-Amazing! Simply amazing!

-You've talked about how you were shy when you were a kid and how you wouldn't approach people and how you wouldn't go shopping without a friend because you refused to check out at the register. How did you get over your shyness?
-Honestly, I haven't gotten over it. I just learned how to mask it. I smile through everything because otherwise, I'd probably cry. lol I still don't approach people just to approach them. But if I need something, I just tell myself to do it and then deal the anxiety of it later. The whole checking out at the register thing was a huge problem for me up until about a year or so ago. It was just one of those things I dealt with and then I just got over it somehow.

-If I saw you in real life, would you be mad if I approached you?
-lol Nope. But if you just randomly walked up to me and started talking, that'd be weird. You'd probably just have to be like ''Hi, I'm so and so and we met on this website or this message board.'' or something like that, otherwise, you may get your ass kicked.

-Your make-up always looks perfect in your pictures. What kind do you use?
-You really wanna know? Every day, I use:
-Revlon Colorstay Foundation in Fresh Beige
-CoverGirl Blush in Soft Mink
-Almay Loose Powder in Light
-Revlon Colorstay Creme Eyeshadow in Wild Orchids
-Almay Intense I-Color Powder Eyeshadow in Trio for Browns
-Physician's Formula Eye Definer Felt Tip Eye Marker in Warm Black
-Maybelline ExpertWear Eyeliner in Ebony Black
-Almay Triple Effect Mascara in Black
-L'Oreal Bare Naturale Mascara in Blackest Black
-Revlon Colorstay Lipstick in Lush Orchid
-Mary Kate and Ashley Lipgloss in an icy pink color, but they don’t make this kind of awesome lip gloss anymore, :-(
-And that's it. That's also the order I apply it in, if you're wondering.

I might post something like this once a month because I get some interesting messages, because you people are weird. :-) So, send me your questions. Best chance to have them answered, send me a message on Facebook or MySpace. <3

Stay Gold,
LuchaDoll

Teen Ink Article

2009-10-18T19:41:00.001-05:00

I Am Pro Wrestling

By LuchaDoll

Heroes and villains, good guys and bad guys, people you love and people you loathe. Whether you are watching a movie, your favorite television show, a soap opera, or a cartoon, a variation of opposing forces are present. Professional wrestling is no different. Sure, there’s spandex, referees, and title belts, but that’s part of the appeal. It takes you out of reality and into a perfectly put together performance. If there’s one thing in life that I love more than life itself, it’s professional wrestling. I tell people that I love pro wrestling and the reactions don’t much vary between, “Wrestling’s fake,” and “Why?” My responses: “No, it isn’t,” and “Because I can.”

“Wrestling’s fake.” I hate those words more than any others. Wrestling isn’t any faker than the movies you watch. Ask any wrestlers, as I have, if wrestling’s fake, and you will illicit the same response from each of them. A look of disappointment and the longing to be elsewhere. I’ve learned, throughout my life and more so in recent years, that wrestling isn’t fake. They, unlike your action movie heroes, do their own stunts. I’ve seen first hand the damage professional wrestling can do to a person, both mentally and physically. I try to keep the fact that I’m a wrestling fan to myself, because otherwise, one of two things will happen. Either the person I’m talking to will try to talk wrestling with me, and not succeed because they think that the WWE is the only wrestling company on the planet, or they will go on about how girls should stick to dinner and laundry instead of pro wrestling. I don’t think that whatsoever. Yes, I’m a girl. Yes, I cook and clean, but I can do it while watching wrestling. And if I cook and clean, then I’ll watch whatever I want and don’t need a man’s permission to do so. No, I am not a feminist, but I do believe in gender equality. Sexism and double standards will never dissolve, but they will not affect me if I have anything to say about it.

Like any other wrestling fan, I’ve been to many live wrestling events and have seen many matches in person. One match, in particular, stands out in my mind. Alex Shelley versus Sonjay Dutt, September 29, 2006, The Siegel Center at the Alltel Pavilion in Richmond, Virginia. I was 14 years old and standing in the front row. “Shelley Sucks” and “Sonjay Dutt” chants were more than noticed and more than necessary. Shelley was the heel, the bad guy, and Sonjay was the babyface, the good guy. Go to any wrestling event and there will be, more often than not, a heckler. On that crisp Fall night, there were 3 of them, standing directly across from me on the opposite side of the ring. There weren’t that many fans in attendance that night. We barely filled up half the floor a college basketball court, so the hecklers were louder than normal, in order to try and steal the spotlight from the wrestlers. I’m a loud fan, I yell, I chant, I cheer, I scream at the top of my lungs, but I do it for fun, not to belittle other fans.
The 3 Musketeers, I mean, hecklers, were giving me the 3rd degree for enjoying Alex and Sonjay’s match. Alex Shelley and Sonjay Dutt are two of the rawest, most technical wrestlers out there, and to sit there and not enjoy a match of theirs is virtually impossible. Or so I thought. Hecklers are usually funny, can get the rest of the crowd laughing, and aim their jokes at the wrestlers. The 3 Amigos, however, weren’t funny, made the crowd mad, and aimed their jokes at one person: Me. “Go home and do my laundry,” “Shouldn’t you be doing your algebra homework?,” “Bring me a beer,” and “What’s for dinner?,” were a few of the comments made to me. Not because I was 14, not because I was an easy target, not because I am a girl, but because I actually enjoyed the match, as well as the rest of the show.

When it comes down to it, you can hate wrestling and you can hate me for loving wrestling, but I don’t want to hear about it. You may be against wrestling, but I am pro wrestling.