Last night, I told you guys that my grandmother has a tumor in her brain, and that she's dying. WHen my mom told me that, I reacted the same way I would react to her telling me what's for dinner: K. That's what I said. K. It's not that I don't care, it's not that I want my grandmother to die, it's just that, all of my life, every time someone's gotten sick or whatever, I continue on like nothing's wrong. My mom's had cancer so many times, and she'd tell us, then never mention it again, so I suppose that's why I act like everything's okay, when it's not.
Is it stupid of me to act like nothing's wrong with her? I mean, is it expected of me to be nicer to her and to tell her how much I love and appreciate her, JUST because she's dying? What does that accomplish, aside from reminding her that she's not going to be around much longer? Is it selfish of me to not want to prepare for her death, to not want to worry about what will happen afterwards, to not care? I'm not going to sit around and wait for her to die. When it happens, then I'll have no choice but to deal with it, but until then, let's play pretend.
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