Friday, October 29, 2010

This Smells Like Katrina De Voort

Every time I mention my OCD, I get a lot of questions. Some are ignorant, but some are genuine. I want to help you understand this disorder, as it affects me. I don’t know how it affects other people, so don’t take this as insight into OCD as a whole. This is my story. Short, sweet, and to the damn point.

I was diagnosed with OCD when I was eight years old. It started with me touching things twice, constantly counting to four, and grouping things into even numbers. Over the years, it’s done nothing but get worse, according to the doctors. According to me, though, it’s getting better. The relief that I feel when I straighten something on a shelf, or tap something twice, is unimaginable.

If I touch something, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I need to touch it again. Sometimes, however, my chest gets really tight, and that’s when I know that I need to repeat whatever I just did. I spend about 4 hours a day doing my compulsions.

My life isn’t greatly affected by my disorder, because I’ve gotten really good at making it look like nothing out of the ordinary. I’m an OCD ninja, all stealth-like and sneaky. The only people that know about my OCD are my parents and siblings…and you guys, of course. I’m not ashamed of it, I’m not embarrassed by it, I’m nothing but content with it. It’s just easier to not tell people, because once you do, there will be a million questions, assumptions that you’re crazy, and funny looks as the rumor mill is in motion.

I’m aware of my OCD, I’m aware that it’s not going to go away, and I’m aware that it affects me more than I’ll ever know.

Stay Gold.

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Somebody Has To Say It

This is a collection of letters that I’ve written to various people, or groups of people, that I feel needed to be posted for all of the world to see. (Actually, I haven’t actually WRITTEN these. I’m making them up as I go. Enjoy!)

Dear Fellow Fat Chicks Of The World,
There ARE decent looking clothes in your size. Stop wearing clothes that don’t fit you. If you’re going to wear denim, make sue that it’s thick. If you’re going to wear jeans, make sure they’re not low-rise jeans. Nobody wants to see your fat rolls swinging and swaying with every step you take. Also, stop denying that you’re fat. Stop calling yourself average. Being 5’6” and weighing 230 pounds is not average. Being 25 years old and still denying that you’re fat, or coming up with weird synonyms, like “chubby,” “thick,” or “large” is just silly. You’re a grown ass woman. You’re fat. Own it.

Dear Katy Perry,
You’re annoying. I mean, you were cute when you were singing about how guys are bitches and whatever else, but now? Now, you’re singing about being a teenage dream, which I can only take as your not-so-implied way of saying that you like teenage boys. Also, Russell Brand? Really? Really?

Dear Men,
As a whole, you have a reputation for being pigs. In my experience, that is a rather accurate summarization of you. I don’t get it. I mean, you feel the need to creep, even if you’re married or in a relationship. What if I showed your lovely lady the things you send to me? It’s not hard to find her, seeing as how your Facebook page clearly says you’re with her and links to her page. And to those of you who aren’t in a relationship of any kind, I can guarantee you that you’re not going to find the one by borderline harassing her on the internet.

Dear People Who Think OCD Is Contagious,
You have problems. More than those of us affected by this disorder. Being around me isn’t going to make your brain start functioning the way that mine does. At the same time, criticizing me for having to double check things or touch things or straighten things isn’t going to make my OCD magically disappear.

Dear People Who Unfollow Me For My Slightly Obnoxious Tweets,
When you’re watching a sports event or a TV show or a movie or just hanging out, you tweet. A lot. It gets annoying at times, but that doesn’t make me unfollow you. So, when I’m watching someone’s live show and tweet about it, and you unfollow me, that makes me hate you. You care as much about BlogTV as I do about the Yankees or Outsourced or I Love You, Beth Cooper, or the fact that your friend Joe just farted and stank up your apartment. So, it’s like this: If you unfollow me because I’m enjoying something, I’m going to unfollow you because you’re an asshole.

Dear Disney,
What’s up with this “no love for the middle United States” thing? Seriously. Do something about it.

Dear Brittany Burke,
I get that I kinda stole your boyfriend sophomore year, but is that really a reason to completely exclude me from the yearbook? I mean, what about Stormy McCullough-Pendergraph and Angela Jensen? Those girls are the devil’s spawn, yet their ugly mugs are all over your precious little yearbook. I can only assume that you didn’t want my picture in there because then everyone would’ve known why your darling Cody ran around on you…with me. Oh, and P.S. - Your hair still looks like absolute shit.

Stay Gold.

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Saturday, October 16, 2010

My Weekend. (So Far.)

I thought my week was bad. Who would’ve thought that my weekend would be even worse? I got off of work Friday, came home and just hung out for a while. My mom gets home and tells me that my sister and her fiancé are coming here for the weekend. I hate them both. Very, very, very, VERY much. They get here around 10pm, and I’m watching Psych on Netflix and doing my homework. At about 1 or 1:30, I head upstairs to go to bed. I see that my brother’s door is open, and I knew that if he were home, his door would be closed. So, I just figure that he’s out. I go into my room, turn around and lock the door, and my phone rings. It’s little brother. This was the conversation:

"Hey, I need you to come get me. I’m out by the high school, further down the road."
"Why are you there?"
"I snuck out and went to Frank’s. He took his mom’s car and wrecked it."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I’m fine. Just come get me, please."
"Is Frank okay?"
"Yeah. PLEASE come get me."
"Okay. I’ll be there in a minute."

The fear in his voice was enough to make me start crying. I grab my keys and wallet, go downstairs, and ask my sister’s fiancé to move his car, because he parked behind me and I couldn’t get out of the driveway. He says he has to pee and he’ll be right out. I get in my car and I start shaking...bad. I can’t even tell you where my heart was at that point. Little brother calls again. Here’s that conversation:

"Hey, I’ll meet you in [neighborhood’s name.]"
"Hey, just please, please, please don’t tell daddy. Please..."
"I’m not going to. Just calm down and I’ll see you in a minute."

This time, the fear in his voice had turned to something familiar. I could hear in his voice that he needed comfort. (A tone that I know all too well, from working at a daycare.) Then, I called my little sister. She was over at Frank’s house, spending the night with his little sister, Hannah. This was that conversation:

"Hey. Are you at Hannah’s?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Is their mom awake?"
"Okay. Go wake her up."
"Frank took her car and wrecked it."
"How do you know?"
"[Little brother] was with him. He just called me. Go wake her up and tell her. And DON’T SAY ANYTHING about [little brother] being in the car."
"K. Bye."

I didn’t know how bad the wreck was, but I knew that Frank’s mom needed to be there. If not for her son, then for her car. I go and get my brother and tell him to show me where the accident was. (Rewind: The car flipped, little brother kicked the window out, and got the hell out of there. Just so you know.) He shows me where the accident was, and the cops are already there. He begs me not to drive any closer. I say okay. Had the cops not been there, I would’ve gone, anyway, just to make sure that Frank was okay. I’ve never met this child, and I know he’s bad news, but I would’ve taken care of him. He’s 15, has a rap sheet longer than my arm, and just got out of rehab, but he’s a human being, a child at that, and I’m not completely heartless.

Anyway, I head home with little brother. I ask him what happened. He says all he remembers is Frank swerving, then the car was upside down. The guy driving in front of them stopped and called 911 and let Frank use his cell to call his mom. I ask him if Frank was high, and he says no. I ask him if Frank called his mom, he says yes, but that was their only car. So, I tell him to call little sister or Hannah and tell them that I’m coming to get their mom, so she can go see her car and son, and talk to whoever she needs to talk to. Little brother shows me where they live, then walks home. Little sister had told Frank and Hannah’s mom that little brother was in the car, so she knew by the time we got there. Little sister, Hannah, and mom (I never caught this woman’s name, by the way) get in the car and we head back to the accident.

I pull up behind the police cars and Frank’s mom was getting out of the car, and I told her I was going to stay with her. So, we walk toward the chaos and the sheriff is there. Oh, and there was another boy in the car. Jason, his name was. His arm was cut pretty badly, and by the time we got there, they had him in the ambulance already. So, anyway. Frank’s mom and I talk to the sheriff and he says that Frank and Jason are both high. He says that there was another passenger in the car, but he took off on foot. I wasn’t about to snitch on my baby brother, and luckily, Frank's mom kept her mouth shut. The sheriff says that he didn’t have to stick around, and the only thing that he would be charged with, if he weren’t high, as well, would be being out past curfew. He says that Jason is going to be charged with being under the influence and being out past curfew and Frank is going to be charged with being under the influence, driving without a license, being out past curfew, intoxicated assault (because Jason was hurt,) and he tells us that the only way the insurance will pay for a new car is if she presses charges against her son for stealing her car. (I’m still not sure what she’s going to do, as far as that goes.)

This was the point when I finally looked at the car. Completely totaled. Upside down in the ditch. The passengers’ side of the car is completely flat. The driver’s side is still intact, except for the shattered windows. Basically, the car looked like a wedge. I’m not big on religion or spirituality or any of that, but I swear to you, little brother has someone or something watching over him. There’s been too many times in his life that he should’ve been killed, but he always walks away unharmed. I was still shaking from when I initially got into my car. When I saw what the car looked like, my legs turned to mush. As I was sitting on the road, an officer walked by, leading Frank, who was in handcuffs. When I saw Frank, I knew that I should've been mad. I knew that I should’ve wanted to kill him. I don’t even know this kid, and all I felt when I saw him was disappointment. I got myself together enough to walk back to my car and let Frank’s mom handle all the paperwork that needed to be done. On my way, I stopped and looked at Frank. I gave him that “it’ll be okay” hand-on-the-shoulder-and-nod thing. Looking back, I’m sure he was like “Who the hell is this girl and why is she touching me?” Oh, well.

Something funny did happen, during all of this. Hannah was in the backseat of my car, and being the nerd that she is, all she was worried about was getting her homework and textbooks out of her mom’s car. Her mom came back to the car with Hannah’s school things, so for Hannah, all was right in the world. I took them home, and told little sister to get her things, because I didn’t need her over at their house with all of this going on. On our way home, I told her to call little brother and tell him to wake dad up and tell him what he’d done. He begs me to let it wait until morning. I told him he better wake up before I do. I get home and park behind my sister’s fiancé in the driveway. (You’ll need to know this when I get to why Saturday sucked.) I go to little brother’s room and ask him if he was high, too. He says no. My little brother’s an asshole and a liar, but he has never lied to me. (By the way, I believe that he didn’t know that Frank and Jason were high.) So, I head to bed. This was at about 3am. We had to leave the house by 8am on Saturday, which meant I needed to be up at 6:30am.

6:30am rolls around and I take my three and a half hours of sleep and pretend it was longer. We had to go get our military IDs redone, now that my dad’s retired. My brother and dad were in my dad’s truck, and little sister, mom, and myself were in mom’s van. Mom asks little sister how she got home from Hannah’s. She says I picked her up. Mom asks me what time. I say about 2am. She says “2AM?! Why?!” I say that she needs to talk to little brother about that. She says why. So, I tell her. She calls dad. Dad supposedly talks with little brother about it. I know my parents all too well to think that they’d discipline either of the younger kids. Later in the day, little brother says “Dude. He wasn’t even mad about it,” thus affirming what I’d already known.

On our way home from getting out IDs done, dad says to call older sister and ask if she and her fiancé want to go to breakfast. They say okay. Then, older sister calls little brother and asks him to ask me where my keys are, so she can move my car. I say they’re in my room, but my door’s locked. Dad says for them to just chill and we’ll come home and I’ll move my car, so we can go to breakfast. Older sister calls dad a few minutes later and tells him that they don’t need us to come home and that they’ll meet us at the restaurant.

We’re sitting there eating and older sister says something about driving my car. I said “You drove my car?” She nods like it’s no big deal. It normally wouldn’t be, but the fact that she had to break into my room to get my keys made me so mad. My OCD doesn’t like people being near my things. My room, things in my room, my keys, my car, whatever. I’m not okay with anyone touching any of it. As we’re leaving, she hands my keys to little brother and tells him to give them to me, and he does.

Later in that day, we leave for dinner. Little sister rides with older sister and her fiancé, little brother and I are with dad in the truck. We pull into the parking lot and little sister has sunglasses on her face that look awfully familiar. She gets out of the car and says “Hey, did you give these to [older sister]?” I say no. She says “Oh. She said she got them from you.” So, not only did she break into my room, go through my things to find my keys, take my keys, and drive my car, she also stole my sunglasses. My parents wonder why I hate her…

Oh, one more thing, we went out to dinner to celebrate my brother’s and my sister’s fiancé’s birthdays. My parents said it was their treat. Sister’s fiancé thought it was okay to order nine drinks. My mom looked like she was going to cry when the server brought the check to her. Seriously, I would’ve made him pay for his drinks. No part of dinner involves NINE drinks. Another thing! Sister’s fiancé thinks it’s funny to interrupt or reverse my compulsions. When I move something, he moves it back. When I adjust something, he readjusts it. If I need to touch something again, he moves it. He’s not going to think it’s so funny when I lose my mind because of him. (He’s an asshole, by the way. He bosses my sister around, telling her to pick this up, or pick that up, do the dishes, iron his clothes. Fuck that. You’re a grown ass man, do it yourdamnself. If anyone ever tried that shit with me, I’d slit their fucking throat. Fuck you, you’re not an incapable child. Jesusfuck.) So, there. That was my weekend.

Stay Gold.

P.S.-Never once did I think to wake my parents up. My only thought was to get my brother. After his second phone call, it became needing to get TO him and not just get him, if that makes any sense at all.

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Friday, October 15, 2010

Celebrity Spank Bank!

My name is LuchaDoll and this is my Celebrity Spank Bank.

James Roday
I remember the first time that I ever saw him. He was screaming like a little girl. I’ve been in love ever since. lol :] It doesn't hurt that he has a huge scar on his chest. Scars are hot. haha

Sidney Crosby
What do you get when you mix an innocent crush with a big mouth? You get a tattoo of Sidney Crosby’s jersey number. Also, he's a fellow member of the Big Teeth Club. XD

Amaury Nolasco
My family and I used to watch Prison Break every Monday. My mom and sisters would swoon everytime Wentworth Miller or Dominic Purcell was on screen. Not me, though. This fine piece of Mexico is who did it for me. Still does. Forever will, I’m sure.

Desi Arnaz
HUH?! Yep. This one’s kinda creepy, but whatever. He was a handsome ass dude.

Matt Bomer
The first of many gays on this list. If he were a little taller, he’d replace Greg Vaughan as my dream man. (Sidenote: Greg Vaughan isn’t on this list, because when I think of him, my ovaries want him more than my heart does. We’d make beautiful children. haha)

Boris Kodjoe
I wasn’t even aware that this man existed until just recently, and my freakin’ God. I am disappointed in all of you for not telling me about him sooner.

Jensen Ackles
I’ve had a crush on this man since I was 7 or 8 years old. lol All these years later, he still gets my gears going.

Terrence Howard
Do I really need to explain myself on this one?

Isaiah Mustafa
Look at this man, now back at me, now back at this man. Now, keep looking at him while I go change my pants.

Ross Everett
I’m sure all of you are wondering about this one, but I don’t care. He’s funny, he’s adorable, he makes me happy.

Robert Downey, Jr.
The first of many oldheads on my list. He gets better looking as he gets older.

Sam Jaeger
I first saw him in Catch and Release, but I didn’t realize how much I liked him until this season of Parenthood started.

Mark Harmon
Another oldhead. Another dude that gets better looking as he ages. And have you seen those eyes? To.Die.For.

Denzel Washington
I’m pretty sure that Denzel is on every woman’s list.

Corbin Bernsen
I first saw him as John Durant on General Hospital. Now, I see him every week as Henry Spencer. He was ugly when he was younger, but sweet jesus, he looks good now.

Christopher Meloni
Another dude that I’m sure is on every woman’s list.

Alan Ruck
Yet another oldhead. Yet another example of one that looks better now than he did 20 years ago.

Bruce Willis
Heh. Yep.

Michael Buckley
What a handsome man.

Nate Berkus
Dude can decorate my home ANYTIME. *suggestive wink*

Brett The Intern
I love Brett. That is all.

Joseph Julian Soria
I think JJ is the youngest guy on this list. I sometimes forget that he and I are friends on Facebook, and I post things about how adorable I think he is. lol He’s gorgeous. End of story.

Jon Favreau
Obama’s speechwriter. Obama’s adorable speechwriter. Mmm-mmm-mm.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt
I’m not really sure when this little crush developed, but whatever. He’s adorable. :D

Stay Gold.

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My Week.

Sunday- I realized that I can’t balance school and work and still be able to function at a normal, productive level. Complete breakdown at the point.

Monday-My dad left for the week. I officially started my new job.

Tuesday-I worked for 12 hours, then went to school for 4. Then I went out with a friend until 5am. 23 hours of non-stop movement? Not ideal, but I wasn’t even tired. I waited until the very last minute to wish my wonderful boyfriend a happy birthday, just because I knew that iit would be the only high point of my day. Okay, okay, I was totally late wishing him a happy birthday, but whatever. He knows better than to expect me to be prompt about things. lol :]

Wednesday-I don’t really remember much of Wednesday.

Thursday-Thursday was really stressful, but for really no reason at all. I worked until 7, then forgot to get my sister from school. I’m going to be a terrible mother.

Speaking of being a mother, working at a daycare just makes me want babies. Even with all the crying and pooping and inability to verbalize what they want, I love all of my kids. Do you mind if I tell you about them? Wait…I don’t even care. I’m gonna do it anyway.

Aiden- I just got Aiden on Monday. He’ll be two next month. He’s got the face of an old man and the soul of a stranger. He knows what he wants. He’s got the mind of a leader, but he seeks comfort from me more than any of the other kids.

Ashlee- A thin-lipped, heavy set, rebellious girl. She wastes time, she wanders, she mindlessly mumbles things that make no sense to anyone, not even her.

Brooklyn- She reminds me of me when I was younger. Bangs in her face, mismatched clothes, too smart for her own good. She’s got this raspy voice that makes me smile. I don’t have her in my class anymore, but I do see her when we combine classes in the evening.

Brooklynn- Blonde hair, big blue eyes, bossy. She’s adorable. She’s not in my class anymore, either. But I also see her when classes combine.

Chase - Chase is the one that I worry about. He had tubes up until about a year ago, so he doesn’t speak. We work on it, and he’s learning, but he spends most of his time humming. When he cries, I don’t know how to help him, because he can’t tell me what he needs. He’d never heard words before he got his tubes out, so I know that this whole communication thing is as hard for him as it is for me.

Cylee- A pug-faced, blonde-haired girl with a medical condition I can’t pronounce.

Garrett- I just got Garrett on Monday, as well. He’s super short and has a raspy voice. He’s got these big blue eyes and a buzz cut that makes his head look huge. lol But he’s adorable.

Grady- I just met Grady yesterday. He comes in about once every two weeks. Red hair, green eyes, mousy voice. Reminds me of my little brother.

Lucas- Ahh, Lucas. The Tommy Pickles of my daycare. Never without his sippy cup and never with pants. The leader of the twos. He can be trouble, but most of the time, he’s laughing and being freakin’ adorable.

Macy- Little Macy Mouse. She has skin that you can practically see through. She has strawberry blonde hair and huge green eyes. She like to be held and it’s okay, because she’s so little. :]

Markie- This little evil spawn. My goodness. He doesn’t listen, climbs on everything in sight, sits ON the table instead of AT the table, and expects me to coddle him when he’s hurt or upset. No, sir. Fuck outta here with that.

Martin- He doesn’t speak English. That’s about all I know about this kid. *shrugs*

Valentina- Valentina….another one that reminds me of me. Quiet, easily attached, more of a bystander than anything else.

Zavier- All I know about this kid is that his mom picks him up around the time that I get to work.

Last night, I realized that there are a few…couple…okay, there’s one. One person that I keep in my life simply because they’re the only person who hasn’t disappeared or walked away or straight up vaporized. Okay, I’ve never known someone who’s vaporized, but you get my point. There’s this strange, odd comfort that I get from talking to them. Ah, well.

I wish my dad would come home already. :(

Stay Gold.

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Thursday, October 7, 2010

Ten Days!

I suck at blogging lately. I start a ton of them, and then, I never finish or post them. So, here's another meme! I'm switching everything around, though, so I'll do Day Ten on Day One. I'm a rebel.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
I'm not doing this one. I'm pretty sure that all of these would be some sort of greeting. lol

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
-I have OCD.
-I don't answer the door.
-I think my dad is the smartest person ever.
-My favorite book is the dictionary.
-I ignore some of the kids at my work when they're crying, but only because they don't listen to me. Two year olds need to know about karma, too. Don't judge me.
-I learned how to spell antidisestablishmentarianism when I was in 3rd grade.
-I have a really ghetto middle name.
-I think most white babies are ugly. For real.
-I'm thinking about quitting school.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
-Don't be ugly. (For real. And don't even act like this doesn't apply in your world, either, assholes.)
-Be confident, but don't be a dick.
-Don't be afraid of children.
-Understand that being silly is just a part of life.
-Wear Kenneth Cole Black.
-Have superb hygiene.
-Be able to quote Psych with me.
-Don't be this crevice in my arm. *points to elbow crease*

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
-I should probably do this homework...
-What do I have to do tomorrow?
-What time do I have to wake up tomorrow?
-Texas smells bad.
-Where are my keys?
-Why don't I have any clean laundry?
-What is this? I don't even!

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
This one's easy. There's nothing that I wish I'd never done. Live and learn. :)

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot to you (in no order whatsoever.)
-My momma.
-My daddy.

Day Seven: Four turn offs.
-Being ugly. (You know that's a turn off for you, too. Don't even act like it's not.)
-Poor hygiene.
-Wearing flip-flops.
-Being a murderer.

Day Eight: Three turn ons.
-Being able to make decisions.
-The ability to put up with me and my quirks.

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
:) O_o

Day Ten: One confession.
-I mock people's accents a lot, and because of that, I've started to unintentionally say certain words with certain accents. Ex.: "White"="WHYt." "About"="Aboot." "What?"="Que?" Totally serious about that last one.

Stay Gold.

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