Thursday, August 19, 2010

A Few Things

I've had a lot on my mind recently, and I thought to myself "Doll, you have a blog. Blogs are where people share their thoughts." So this? This is that.

-I've been losing friends like it's nobody's business lately. I don't know what I've done to any of them, but quite a few people have decided that they don't like me anymore. Ok, cool. Whatever, right? Wrong. You can't be friends with someone for a long time, then suddenly stop, with no explanation. I HATE people that do this. HATE HATE HATE. Hate. I don't get it. I mean, if I've done something wrong, let me know. If you just don't want to be my friend anymore, let me know. If you're mad because I ate your chicken nuggets that one time in 7th grade and you hate me now, cool. Let me know. Don't just stop talking to me and pretend that we were never friends, k? It's really shitty of you and to be honest, if I had known that you were that kind of person, I never would've been your friend to begin with.

-I've never been a greedy person, especially with my money. I've never been stingy with money, either. Ask any of my friends, they'll tell you. If I want to go out with a friend, but they're low on cash, it's fine. I'll cover it. I've never said "Fine, but you have to pay me back." I don't give a damn. All through school, I would give people money to get an extra snack at lunch or whatever. This has never been something that bothers me. You need money, I have money. However, what DOES bother me is when you don't say thank you. I value our friendship and our time together enough to help you out when you need helping out, but if you can't be bothered to utter the words "thank you," (which are 100%, absolutely, completely FREE to say) then don't expect my helping hands (and pocketbook) to be there for you next time.

-You like wrestling? Awesome. You're a middle-aged man who likes wrestling and who's sick of your fat wife/girlfriend, so you want to hit on me? Not awesome. Not awesome at all. You're the kind of person that I like to call a creeper. Your conversation initiator usually goes something like this: "Wow! You're hot AND you like wrestling? You're the perfect woman!" (I know that a lot of my fellow wrestling fans of the female variety know this line all too well.) This may be a conversation initiator for you, sir, but for me, that's a relationship terminator. Any chance that you may have had at being on good terms with me is over, as in done, as in never going to happen, as in those three sentences that you so stupidly spewed at me counted as your three strikes, and buddy, you're out.

-Most restaurants have some sort of happy hour type thing. This is the best time to try something new. Say you're at Sonic and you see a new drink that you'd like to try, but it's kind of pricey and you're not sure if you'll even like it. Sonic has happy hour everyday from 2pm until 4pm, during which you can get that drink you want, at half-price. ("Includes Soft Drinks, Iced Teas, Slushes, [excluding CreamSlush® Treats] and Limeades only. Flavors and fruit may cost extra. Combos and Wacky Pack® Meals excluded," as per the Sonic website.)

-Wearing eyeliner during the summertime is never a good idea. Instead, use eyeshadow in whatever shade your eyeliner is and apply it with a flat, angled brush. Using eyeshadow as eyeliner is probably the best trick I discovered this year. Sure, it may fade, but re-applying it once a day sure beats the hell out of having eyeliner all over your face.

-Don't watch If You Really Knew Me. Yes, I know I wrote a blog using that format, but ignore that for right now. I watch it because it's become a tradition for me to watch the shittiest reality shows on television. Every week, there's someone on there who's a walking contradiction, more so than your average high school student. This may be why they're a spotlighted participant, but it aggravates me to sit there and watch a pregnant 15 year old girl say that she doesn't understand why people call her a slut. Child, look at yourself. Being 15 and pregnant isn't going to help you try to convince people that you're not what they say you are. Don't watch this show. You will get so pissed at the things that those kids say, you'll probably want to punch your television, and we don't want that, do we?

-I've made mistakes. I'll make more, I'm sure of it. I've done things to and for people that I really wish I would've thought twice about. There are some people that I wish I had judged more accurately the first time around, instead of learning the hard way who they really are. I try not to live in the past, but sometimes, it's difficult for me not to think about how things would be different, had I not done this, or had I not done that. I'm currently in the process of ridding my life of those who bring me down or could bring me down in the future and I'm burning bridges that I don't want to, but need to.

-My older sister has become the focus of a lot of my hate lately. I never thought the day would come when I hate, and I mean that word in the most hostile way possible, my best friend. She and her fiancé were planning their wedding for April of next year. She asked me to be her maid of honor. We went dress shopping and all that good stuff. They put deposits down on the venue and all of things that come along with it. Instead of asking our little sister to be a bridesmaid, she asked this girl we went to high school with. This girl, who had accused her of trying to sleep with her (the girl's) boyfriend. When I asked her why she didn't ask our little sister, she said "She's too tall." Granted, little sister isn't so little. She's 12 years old and she's already 5'9", but what kind of reasoning is that? She can't help that she's tall. (She has to be tall, have you seen the size of her head? That thing's huge. She needs to grow into it. Okay...that was kind of mean of me, but seriously, her head is huge.) So, that had pissed me off enough. I don't want for my little sister to feel left out, especially during something like this. Then, they decided that they were going to Hawaii in December to get married. Why? Get ready for another one of my sister's atrocious reasons. Because mom and dad said they wouldn't help with the wedding costs, that's why. Never, ever, EVER have my parents said they would help. They paid $12 for their marriage license, got married in their pastor's backyard, and went to Burger King for their Wedding Day dinner. They've always said that because no one helped with their wedding, they wouldn't help with any of ours'. I'm fine with this. People spend thousands and thousands of dollars on their weddings, then get divorced before too long. My parents have been married for 21 years, and trust me, there are so many more to come. $12 and 21+ years sounds like the better deal. So, anyway, my sister's mad because our parents won't help, even though we've known for years that they wouldn't. She called our mom and told her that they were getting married in Hawaii, that we could come if we could afford it, and that if we couldn't, we'd be caring for their dog while they were away. In one phone call, she managed to break my mother's heart, remind her that we couldn't afford to be there, and tell her that we'll have to put up with her untrained dog for 2 weeks. I don't understand how you can do something like that to your own mother. You're her first child, not to mention the first to get married, divorced, and engaged to someone else within 4 months. (High five for being a smartass?) Seriously, though. If she gets married in December, that'll be her 2nd marriage this year. She thinks that it's okay to just go and get married, and not even have her family there. I don't understand it at all. I've never looked at her and said "I want to be like her someday." At the same time, I've never looked at her and said "I don't ever want to be anything like her." Until all of this happened. Now, I can't stand her. Yeah, she's my sister, and I SHOULD like her, but I don't. I hate her, and if she does go to Hawaii and have the wedding, then I'll hate her even more. I don't want to be like her. I watch her bring all these guys home once, then we never see them again. I hear her tell everyone how much she just loves every guy that she brings home. I also see how much it bothers our younger siblings. I've never brought a guy home, because I'm terrified that if I do, my little brother and little sister will hate me like they hate her. They pretend that she doesn't even exist anymore. They don't talk about her, they don't ask about her, they don't care about her. Who can blame them? She's brought someone different home for everything: our birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. and it ruins our day, then we never see those guys again. It's a never-ending cycle with her. I know that she and her current flame aren't going to last, and I think she knows, too, which is probably why she moved the wedding up to December.

-I start college on Monday. Well, my online class is on Monday. I don't have to actually go to a class until Tuesday. Those of you know have known me for a while, know how much of a struggle that Tuesday will be. New people, new places? No, thanks. I know that I'm not going to be able sleep Monday night. I'll probably have an anxiety attack on Tuesday. I'm not good with people that I know, much less strangers. I'm going to try, though. This is my fresh start. This is the one chance that I get to make a first impression on these people. This is my chance to be something other than the pretty girl who's too socially handicapped to even speak to someone. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Any advice on how to not suck at conversing, making new friends/meeting new people, or any other potentially terrifying situations that I may encounter is greatly appreciated.

Stay Gold.

Comments have been left open for this post. Feel free to leave a comment, anonymous or otherwise, below.


  1. Most random blog I've read in a long time. I think your entire blog is awesome, like you.

  2. I remember being at a point like this years ago where friends were vanishing for whatever reasons. Relationships, distance, or being happy with just writing each other (which I hate by the way). If I can talk to them on the phone (or Skype) or in person I’d rather do that. Because for as much as I write I talk way more. I have disappeared on folks before but it was because they did shit that they knew they shouldn’t have if they really knew my ass. Someone recently pulled some old bullshit and I am this close to deleting her and never talking to her.

    People don’t say thank you anymore. Either get mad about it often or just realize that most people are ungrateful assholes. I say thank you and give when I can. If you know someone that isn’t they get one chance and then never give them anything again. I am a petty gargoyle of a man. Its cool that you are given (I’ll take your word for it…) but at a certain point you just get run over.

    I’m a wrestling fan and 31. Is that middle aged? Hmm. Anyhoot, yeah. The way you feel about wrestling fan boys is the way I feel about older women who like me because they think I’ll invigorate them. I’m 98 on the inside. Not an old soul. Just old feeling. But you know you wanna give it to some guy that loves CM Punk. You ain’t slick. And no I do not like CM Punk.

    I have logged (meaning written every single word people have said) for two reality shows. Its not fun. The only shows I like reality wise are Cops and Hell’s Kitchen (which I got to work on). Shows with young pregnant chicks just makes me squint and snarl.

    Your sister sounds like she needs a knock knock ass whooping.

    I could never teach people how to meet new people. I tend to sit in the corner and like minded people will orbit me and realize that yes, I am a big Black dude, but I am not as angry as I may look at times. You have the whole cute chick thing going for you so that’s a plus. it’s a minus as well. You could try ugly-ing it up. Just be what the fuck you are. I ain’t talked to you ever but you seem like a okay human and they’re few of you around. Its always better to have one okay person to chat with than a hundred assholes that respond with smilies and LOL’s.


  3. "Any chance that you may have had at being on good terms with me is over, as in done, as in never going to happen, as in those three sentences that you so stupidly spewed at me counted as your three strikes, and buddy, you're out." I loved that part.

  4. Don't be anxious, just stay up all night monday and ill kick your ass on words with friends. :)